Our future.
After he told me I was pregnant, his behaviour and how he’d been acting around me all slipped into place. It made sense, and from that point, I could visibly see his struggle with the changes that would happen not just to me, but to him as well. And us. Because there is still an us. My fear of there not being anusvanished on that rooftop. It might be hard being a part of him—too fucking hard some days—but I love Benjamin Vico, and I know he loves me because he promised me things would change, and they have.
Slowly.
I moved out not long after finding out I was pregnant. It was my refuge in some ways; expecting a baby on top of dealing with my brothers was a lot to handle. I’m still processing it all now, especially how I feel after letting go of the festering revenge that has dictated my life for so many years.
Even though it was my choice to move out, it hasn’t stopped me feeling isolated from Benjamin. I’ve been at his side, ready for anything he needed for over two years. And now I’ve gone from that to only seeing him for a handful of nights a week. He won’t ever leave the city. I know that. It’s his city, and I need to learn to adapt and trust him, not feel pushed to the side or hidden away. That's how it feels sometimes, though, like I'm alone out here without him.
We fight more than ever. Previously, I’d bow and bend to his every whim because that was my job. That was my role. But that dynamic between us changed the moment I recovered from my gunshot. He might have wanted obedience and fucking in the beginning, might even still get it to some degree,but that’s not the extent of our relationship now.
Never will be again.
Watching as our baby has grown, Benjamin has slowly let me in. He's granted me access to the part of his soul he always kept locked away. It's not a nice place.Sometimes he opens up. A few words about how he grew up, his father, the monopoly that was Vico at the start of it all. Murderous doesn't even seem to cut it as the right word. And he seems so annoyed by it for some reason,as if it's something we should be worried about for the child inside of me. The darkness in him doesn’t frighten me, neither does his past. It’s a part of who he is, just like my dark past is a part of who I am. It is another confirmation that moving out here is the right decision for our baby, though, even if I struggle to fill my days with meaningful tasks to keep my mind busy. We've both got space here, some air to breathe as we try for something different than he is in the city. It's hard, but we're finding new versions of each other slowly. A touch from him here, a half whisper of something sweet there. Well, not sweet because Benjamin after all, but there is love now. Real love. Love built on trust and forgiveness, hurt and pain. Different to anyone else's form of the word, I'm sure, but then so are we.
A knock at the door rouses my attention back to the here and now, and I walk through the lounge to get our guests.
“Hey, look at you. You’ve gotten so big,” Emily gushes as I swing it wide for her.
“Gee thanks, Emily.” My eyes roll,fairly sure I know I look a lot like an alien in my new body.
“No, it’s good. I'm sorry… Oh my God, that was so rude. It was meant as a good comment. You look great,” she says, stumbling over her words and clearly mortified that I might have taken offence.
“It’s fine,” I chuckle, waving my hand. “I’m the size of the house, and I still have a few weeks to go.”
She, Gabby and Nathan all enter the house and head out towards the deck where Benjamin is drinking, but Quinn lingers near. His eyes take in my growing bump, a frown on his features.
“You all good?” he asks, checking in with me as if he's got some right to understand how I feel. I suppose he has in some ways. Big brother and all that. I'm still not sure how I feel about it all, though.
“Everything is fine, Quinn.”
He nods and follows the others through to the back, his arm outstretched as if to guide me. It's strange, but he seems just as protective as Benjamin as I waddle through and take a moment to appreciate the view.
A gentle breeze cools the warm air, sweeping the smell of barbeque towards me and diluting the usual salty tang in the air.
I still struggle to think of any of the Canes as family. It's only been a few months in reality, and although Nathan seemed to accept me, it wasn’t until we had the official test results back that Quinn truly believed what I'd said. I don't blame him for that. Not really. He's just protecting his family, something he seems to think I am now. For now, I suppose they are a part of my world and perhaps one day I’ll be more comfortable with referring to them with the F word. At the moment, having Benjamin and the bump is more than enough for me.
They're the only things I need.
“Would anyone like a drink?” I step out towards them all.
“You should not be sorting drinks. Sit and put your feet up.” Emily busies me to the nearest soft furnishing while she heads to the kitchen. Quinn hovers again, flanking me in a way that reminds me of Torino. He’s been put on barbequing duty today, with Benjamin overseeing. Not that I can ever remember Benjamin barbequing anything, but apparently, he can. And by the smell that's wafting around, I guess he does it quite well, another thing I'm learning about him.
He turns to find me in the crowd, and I smile at the apron wrapped around his waist, but a scowl covers his face as his eyes look behind me.
“Quinn, you need to back the hell off,” he shouts, laughing lightly and pressing past Nathan to get to me. “She doesn’t need your protection in our home.”
“She’s my sister,” Quinn snaps, rounding in front of me. His whole body stiffens, a scowl leveled directly at Benjamin. “Until you put a fucking ring on that finger, I’m more family than you are.”
His retort stifles the conversation, and I hold my breath, waiting for an explosion and flicking my eyes between the pair of them. They've always butted heads, too similar in some ways, but this, over me? I can't help but smile and giggle a little. It warms my heart to both of them, making me push my bulk into the middle of their standoff.
Benjamin stares at me, eyes softening now he's looking at me rather than someone he still considers a threat of sorts. “She doesn’t need a fucking ring to know who she belongs to, Quinn.” No, I don't. My hand reaches for his face, fingers drawing down his jawline. I doubt I'll ever need a ring from him to know where my heart is. Or his.
He keeps gazing at me, dismissing Quinn until it feels like it's just us two again. That's the way I like it best. Him and this view, the ocean the only sound to hinder our new quiet moments. My stomach quivers, reminding me of the fact that there will never be just two of us again, and I grab his hand to place it over the feeling.
“Hey, sorry about Quinn,” Nathan says, breaking our gazes at each other. “He’s protective of family.”
“It’s fine, Nathan. It doesn't…”
