“It’s me, Benjamin. Me,” she says, finding her spine and putting her hand on her chest. “Why would you trust them over me?” Trust her, with this shit she’s bringing at me?
“Leave.”
“Listen to me, please. You need to get rid of them and then we can—” I step towards her, silencing her tirade. Why? Why should I? Those fucking boys have shown more goddamn allegiance in the last few weeks than anybody else. “They’re…” She doesn’t finish. She hovers there, unsure about something. For the second time in a month, my mind thinks of shit it shouldn’t think of with her. I don’t trust what she’s doing. This time, rather than infuriate me, it fucking hurts.
“What are you hiding?”
“Why won’t you just tell me what happened tonight?”
I stalk closer, head tilted. She’s fucking hiding something. I know she is.
“Talk or get out.”
“Benjamin?”
“I mean it, Hope. I don’t fucking trust you at the moment.”
That seems to hit a goddamn nerve. She backs off a step, and then another, and then a-fucking-nother until she’s in the hall and spinning on her heel.
“But you trust them? Quinn?” she mumbles, ass picking up speed towards the bedroom. “Should have known I’d lose out to them.” What the fuck does that mean? I follow, maddened by what she’s doing, and reaching for her arm to sling her out myself. She’s at her overnight bag and dumping some shit in it before I manage it.
“Whatever was behind tonight, whatever that ink all over you means, you can keep it,” she mutters, not daring to look at me. I sneer at that, both annoyed and glad I didn’t fucking tell her if she’s gonna run out on me. Fucking loyalty. She’s worth nothing to me anymore.
Nothing.
She’s at the front door and opening it before I reach her to throw her ass out, mumbling to herself again. “History repeats itself.” I don’t know what that means, or damn well care. This isn’t what I want or need in my life. Obedience is what I want, a goddamn woman who knows her place in my world.
“Go,” I shout, holding the fucking thing open for her.
She does, not even bothering to look back as she walks off. I slam the door after her and head back inside to drink some more. Done. Finished. Fucking over.
Twenty
The elevator ride down takes far too long. I fumble with the keys as I try to grab them from my bag to open the car. My attempt is as pathetic as I feel—tired and jaded. Lost. Still,I drive up to the barrier, wondering if I’ll ever return here. Unlikely, I guess. Pain, raw and jagged, cuts into my heart.
I don’t even know where I’ll go, but as I think the words, the only place I can imagine drifts to mind. I turn out of the garage and pull onto the quiet streets, one destination now in my thoughts. Thankfully, three a.m. gives me clear roads. It’s a shame my mind isn’t the same.
We’ve never fought. Ever. That's because I’ve always known my place, and that hasn’t ever been to question his orders or ask silly questions. Obedience has been the one thing Benjamin always demanded other than sex, and it’s the one thing I’ve pushed back against tonight. Spectacularly. I sigh at the thought, both annoyed and exhausted by it because he knew. All the way through, he knew there was something I wasn’t telling him.
My eyes sting every time I blink; they’re so tired, but the tears haven’t materialised. I keep a watchful gaze on my speed, ensuring I don’t get pulled over. Having visited just the once, I only have a rough idea of the way and I slept for most of it, but I exit the city and head in the general direction of The Hamptons. It’s the stupidest of ideas, and he’ll probably know that I’ll go there, but where else can I go? The house calls to me, and he did say it was mine, albeit under a false name.
A few hours and wrong turns later, and I pull into the driveway, gates swinging wide for me. The sky is ominous, an inky tinge covering the horizon as the impending sunrise threatens the darkness—a metaphor for my life perhaps? Or maybe it's a last glare from those eyes of his, following me even now.
I open the door and let the calm of the house wash over me. It’s so beautiful here, like nothing in the world I’ve been living in. I collapse into the seat I gravitated to last time I was here and take it all in. The quiet, soothing sounds of the sea are like a balm to my soul, but they won’t solve my predicament.
Broken.
My heart and my life.
Tears fall unchecked onto my cheeks and drip down my face. The bleary view in front of me quivers as more and more tears race to fall. The argument between us plays over and over in my mind. With some distance from Benjamin, I can see all the different scenarios that could have happened. Leaving in one piece was the best possible outcome of the options available.
The sun slips over the water, casting washed out colours across the sea. A new day is dawning, and I’ve never felt as unsure about my future as I do right now. Even when Mom had just passed away, I knew what I had to do. I had a purpose and direction to follow. A goal. Now? Nothing.
The drive for retribution that I’ve always had isn’t there anymore. Like, for the first time, there’s something bigger at stake, something else I want more than needing that end game.
Benjamin.
The light continues to creep up, bathing the world in sunlight. It reminds me of the last time we were here, a happier time. One of those strange changes of Benjamin that made me think I’d become more to him. Clearly, I had that wrong. I felt that darkness heavy in him again tonight, not one glimpse of compassion or understanding. And the blood? So much blood. His skin. His eyes. Even the bitterness of his voice felt tainted with the blood he'd clearly been bathing in.
