“Benjamin… I”
“You move and I'll walk away.” His hands run over the expanse of my back, running down the ridges of my spine as he breathes on my skin. I stand, motionless, and let him take his fill, a slight smile on my face that he can't see.
“Please, I need. . .”
He pulls out of me and slaps my ass another few times, the pain blistering across my skin as he chuckles. It's a fucking game for him now. How long will I go? How much further can he push? So he slaps again and again, until my backside feels like it’s on fire. It’s done nothing to dampen the flames of my orgasm, though—more increased it. Merely touching my clit will send me over, and he knows it. He runs his finger through my wet tissue, skimming around what he knows needs pressure. Asshole. I bite my lip and mewl,the slightest quiver of my ass begging him to finish me off or carry me on further into his sin.
He does eventually. It's a perfected move, one that he knows intimately. He squeezes my clit, sparking my climax in a second and bringing those stars he always manages to find for me.
My mind lingers in them, reveling in his hand still there on me, the possession that keeps me waiting for more.
“My come dripping from your cunt,” he voices, as his hand smacks across my ass. I shunt forward and gasp, not expecting him to continue. “And you shaking from coming so hard.” He plants a kiss on my back and leaves, his voice echoing back at me from wherever he's going. “Perfect, Hope. My perfect Hope.”
* * *
I never know how it’s going to be with Benjamin. His ferocity and bite are ingrained in everything he does. It’s perhaps the first thing I learned about him. That, and the circles he mixes in.
After this afternoon and the tensions of the last few days, I needed to run, and more than my regular morning exercise, despite any protests from sore muscles.
There are many times when I wish I could leave on my own, that Torino wouldn’t be the constant shadow beside me. Just once I want to look for my shadow and see the inky shape following me rather than a person sent to do Benjamin’s bidding. Now is one of those times when I need to go to a quiet place and scream at the sky to clear my mind and gather myself in private.
It’s a good thirty minutes before my feet can eat up the miles in central park with Tornio on my heels, pushing and pushing until my lungs burn inside my chest and I feel faint from exhaustion. It’s a relief I’m starting to take refuge in. The multiple parts of my carefully constructed and planned world are careering together, and after so long living such a regimented life, it’s shaking me.
The fortress I live in is of my own making. My choices led me to where I am today, but that doesn’t mean that on occasions, like today, I don’t want to tear it all apart. The enemy is finally at the gates, but it’s more painful than I ever imagined it would be—more painful to my heart. My heart wasn’t involved at the start, but I can’t help the tightness in my chest when I think of a future where Benjamin isn’t in my world. He’s slipped past my defences and occupies a place I thought couldn’t feel anymore.
The air is cool, and there’s a darkness closing in. I pull up out of the run, and Torino almost crashes into me. “Watch it,” I snap.
He doesn’t offer an apology or engage in conversation. It’s his only saving grace. If he wanted to talk all the time, I might have to kill him.
My hands hug my hips, still tender from Benjamin’s handling, as I pace around, trying to clear my thoughts. Since the mention of Cane, my mother has been at the forefront of my mind. How could she not be? She’s the reason I’m here—the reason I had to start turning tricks at sixteen to pay for her medical bills and keep a roof over our heads—her and Cane.
Flashes of memories invade—memories I’ve been able to move past thanks to Benjamin. This is the only part of me he doesn’t know about, my heritage. He knows that I was a whore and that I chose to pull myself up from the gutter I started in, but that's it. None of the plan festering in my mind since before my mother died would have come to light if I hadn’t done that, if I hadn't endured it. And I certainly wouldn’t have met Benjamin or had a shot at Cane.
My eyes scan around the area and I decide to head back. I’ll need to look at another form of relief because ever since my dear old brothers showed up, running hasn't done the trick. I don’t just run to stay fit and healthy. It’s my only escape, and now even my mind is poison.
“Do you know what he used to say to me? He’d say that I was his girl. That I was the one he loved. Not his wife. Me. I was so happy when I fell pregnant. But he didn’t wantyou. He sentyouaway, and so I had to leave him as well. I had to leave because of you.”
“I know, Mother. Try to rest.” She lies back on the bed, and I place the cold washcloth to her forehead, hoping her temperature will break and she’ll find some rest. These episodes are happening more and more frequently, and the drugs from the store don’t seem to be working.
“I would have been a Cane if not for you. And now look at me. Look!” The crackle of her chest turns into a coughing fit as she fights to breathe. “Have you got me a new bottle?” she murmurs, looking for more whiskey.
“Not tonight, Mother. Go to sleep.”
“I want a drink. Can’t I even have that anymore? Why aren’t you working? I told you what you have to do. If I could do it, so can you. Hope?”
“Yes, Mother?”
“You know what to do.”
“I know.”
“Hope?”
“Sorry, what?” I frown at Torino who’s standing in front of me expectantly.
“Finished? Time’s getting on. Probably should head back. Vico doesn’t like you out after dark.”
“Fuck Vico. I can do what I want.”
