Yes, I wanted to leave him. Yes, if I had to fight for my life to escape, I would. But I did not hate Aiden Park. Not the way I wanted to. Not the way I probably should. I continued staring down at him, heart aching, part of me wishing I’d never gotten my memory back at all.
And it was that type of thinking that scared me. If I wasn’t careful, I’d allow myself to be a willing victim. A pet canary in the pretty cage he’d built just for me. Distance. I needed distance away from him to quell such thoughts. Stepping away from him, I turned to leave. But Aiden’s whispered words made me pause.
“Tell me you love me, please.”
I faced him to see if he was talking in his sleep. Though his eyes were closed, his brows were drawn together like he was having a bad dream. Had I imagined I’d heard him saysomething? Before I could turn to leave again, he repeated his plea.
“Tell me you love me... please.”
His voice was soft. Barely a whisper. But I heard every word. More importantly, I heard the desperation in those words. The anguish. That part of me that couldn’t let go of my love for him refused to leave him in such agony.
Moving slowly, I leaned in close. Close enough to feel his breath against my cheek. I inched even closer and whispered five words in his ear. And at that moment, I meant them with everything in me.
“I love you, Aiden Park.”
I pressed a kiss to his forehead, the space where his brows were drawn together. I watched the worry ease from his features as he relaxed. It wasn’t long before his light snores filled the room.
I stood there for a few more seconds before walking out of the room. I closed the door behind me, careful not to make too much noise. In the hallway, I picked up the bowl of fruit and the bottle of water I’d left there.
Back in my room, I climbed into bed and pulled the blanket over me. As I snacked on my grapes, I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Aiden had looked. The way he could barely stand but still found the strength to tell me he loved me.
Even half-asleep, he still said it. This version of him was a total contradiction to the man in my dreams, and that was confusing the hell out of me. I just couldn’t figure him out. I couldn’t figure myself out either.
I stayed awake for a long time, thinking about him, wishing I knew more or knew nothing at all. Because being caught in between, or whatever you call this state I was currently in, it was slowly killing me.
It was a long time before my mind quieted enough for me to relax. When sleep finally came, I dreamed of the past again. And this dream-memory was the one that finally pushed me over the edge, finally solidified my belief that I had to get away. Now.
Aiden Park, you lying motherfucking manipulative bastard!
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
NOELLE
I DREAMED OF THE PASTagain. But the dream was blurry, as if it were debating whether it wanted to reveal the truth to me or not. In the dream, I was arguing with a brown-skinned woman who had her back to me.
She was standing in front of a display of beautiful flowers, pruning them. Though she was taller than me, it was only because she was wearing heels. The woman was dressed in a long white skirt that fit her slender form perfectly.
Her top was a beige silk blouse, the same color as her high heels. Her black hair was long, falling past her shoulders, straight and silky. In my dream, I remembered thinking that she was everything I wasn’t.
A perfect blend of femininity, power, and elegance. As for me, I was dressed in black leather pants, black boots, a black leather jacket, and a black t-shirt. My hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and I was wearing a baseball cap that was pulled low.
Of course, it was also black. In the slot on the side of my boot was a small dagger I kept tucked there in case of an emergency. There was also one secured in a slot under my baseball cap.
And in my jacket pocket was my Baby 380. Yeah, she and I were as different as night and day. Yet, we had our similarities. But those similarities were the main reasons she hated me.
“You can’t be with Aiden,” the woman drawled as she snipped pieces of her flower display. “You two are on different paths. You’re blind if you can’t see that.”
I remembered the anger her words caused me, the pain that hit me every time she said things like that to me. Why did she think she had a right to make decisions for me? Why did everyone think they knew what was best for me?
And when I got angry, when I reacted the way I really wanted to, I was called the violent one, the angry one. I was so sick of forcing myself to stay calm to keep others from looking down on me.
I’d denied my feelings for Aiden for so long because of this woman, not wanting her to be hurt. I’d always known she had a crush on Aiden. She’d made it clear over the years. But he’d made it clear that he hadn’t wanted her.
His constant rejections had made her vindictive toward me. She’d tried bullying me, but I wasn’t easily bullied. Yet, when I fought back, she always ran to Grandpa Park and Aiden’s Aunt Ji-an, crying, claiming I’d hurt her.
And of course, I was the one to get in trouble. I couldn’t remember how many times I’d been told that I should be nicer to Ellie because Ellie was weaker than I was, and she was more fragile.
I was a girl too, despite being made to live as a boy when I was younger. No, I wasn’t weak or fragile physically, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be hurt, that my heart couldn’t be broken each time they treated her like a princess and me like a tomboy.
