“I told him I loved him.” The words were bitter in the back of her throat. As she stared into Chase’s eyes, the truth welled up. She could easily fall for him. So easily. But the chasm of her lost memories gaped between them. Who was the man she’d loved, and what happened to drive her from Blue River?
Knowing those two things mattered. They were the keys to discovering her future. She understood that with a kind of certainty that nothing else in her life had ever offered…well, nothing she remembered.
His eyes shuttered, the emotion falling out of them with such suddenness that her heart caved. “But you don’t know who the man was?”
The need for clarification drove her deeper into the hay seat. “No.” Her heart thumped hard once, then steadied.
“Hey, boss.” One of the cowboys walked into the barn. He paused, his gaze swinging back and forth between them.
“What’s up?” Chase stood and tossed the hay he’d been playing with toward her.
She swatted it from the air and patted Samson’s jaw when the horse stuck his head out and blew a long breath into her hair. Chase and the cowboy carried on a quick but intense conversation, and when they finished, Chase rushed back to her. “I have to go.”
Her mouth formed the word ‘why’, but she snapped it back with pressed lips. He had more important things to do than sit and filter memory dreams with her.
And he’d not immediately told her the dream was an old memory. He’d not admitted he was the man in her dream.
She’d wanted that. It would have made so much sense and given her a point of reference for her future.
“You’re going to get mad at me for this.” He leaned forward, his hands behind his back and his face inches from her. “But it’s the only thing I’m comfortable saying. It’s time to trust God’s timing. I can tell you that is a real memory, but that’s all I’m willing to say. Have faith in yourself and in God that you’ll learn what you need to know, when you’re ready to learn it, or when it’s the right time.”
An initial flush of resentment surged upward.
She’d told him she didn’t want platitudes, and this was the biggest one of all.
She sighed, but he had a point.
“Thank you.” She nudged his shin with the toe of her boot. “You should go.”
Whatever he’d talked with the cowboy about had looked important. The cowboy remained at the edge of the barn, his body tense and poised to flee.
He hesitated.
“Go. I’m fine, and you’re right.” She closed her eyes. “I’ll start on the chores in a few minutes.”
“Don’t fall asleep on the hay. Samson will eat your hair.” Laughter tinged his voice. “I should know.” His steps clomped, then receded.
She stayed in place a few seconds, but as fatigue and the release of adrenaline made her sleepy, she jumped to her feet.
Samson snorted and shook his head side to side in obvious disappointment from missing his hair snack. “You wouldn’t like it anyway. It’s nowhere near as good as the food I’m about to give you.”
Feeding and watering the horses had become second nature in the days since she’d started working at the ranch with Chase. She didn’t have to think about it anymore as she went from the feed room time after time to scoop up buckets of feed and added supplements. The horses greeted her with soft snorts and whiffles of thanks.
The routine gave her mind time to relax and think. She replayed the memory. Chase had confirmed it as a memory. “Thank you, Lord.” Her memories were coming back. Slower than she’d like, but a few memories were better than none.
An hour passed, then two. Three. By the time Chase returned to the barn, she’d finished every chore he taught her to do, evenmucking out a few stalls that looked like they needed it. That one had been instinctual and straightforward.
She stopped in the middle of rolling the wheelbarrow up the middle of the aisle when he rounded the barn door.
Sweat streaked his face in dark lines. Mud covered the lower half of his jeans and his upper arms.
“Did you roll in mud?” A brow arched. “And you didn’t invite me?”
He scoffed and stalked to the spigot tucked into the corner by the door. Water gushed, and he scrubbed the worst of the mud from his skin. His jeans and shirt were a different story. After washing off, he frowned at his disgusting clothes. “Should have worn chaps.”
“What happened?” She maneuvered the wheelbarrow past him, rounded the barn to the manure pile, and dumped it. The smell used to make her gag. She still didn’tlikethe smell.
Chase tagged along behind her. “Cow stuck in the muck. She’d made a huge mess and laid down in it.” The smell of cow manure clung to him, and she pinched her nose, waving a hand in front of her face. “I’m going to change. Just wanted to check on you first.”
