The remaining horses stuck their heads out over their stall doors, curiosity brimming in their eyes. Samson bobbed his head in a motion that looked like he was laughing at her. There was something wholesome about being in the barn with them, and with Chase. It took all the pressure off. The only thing she had to worry about was learning how to do the tasks Chase gave her. She could be any new ranch hand seeking guidance. Today she didn’t have to be the woman without a memory, without a past to guide her. She could simply live and attempt to learn how to thrive again.
Hoofbeats announced Chuck’s departure. Chase moved around the barn, crooning to the horses and doing things she didn’t understand, like lifting their feet and running his hands down their backs.
The buckets filled in the lull, and she fell into a sort of routine. When she reached the last stall and finished with it, she retraced her steps and wound the hose around the metal ring. “What next?”
“Think you’d want to ride?” Chase motioned her over where he stood in a small room with saddles, bridles, and blankets surrounding him.
A knot of unease pinched her stomach. She concentrated on the feeling, attempting to track down the source of her discomfort. “I don’t know. Thinking about riding makes me feel funny.”
“Funny good or funny bad?” That same calm patience permeated the room and swept between them.
“Don’t know.” She swung her leg over the nearest saddle, trusting the wooden frame it rested on to hold her weight. There was a comfort in the motion, a sense of having done it before.Her damp jeans stuck to her calves, and she reached down to tuck her feet into the stirrups. “Not the best footwear for riding.” She didn’t tell him she’d spent two hours watching YouTube videos last night about cowboys and horses and all she’d learned was that it was a bad idea to ride in sneakers because her foot could get stuck in the stirrup.
“We can fix that.” He nudged her toe with his booted one. “We have extra boots. Or you could buy a new pair.”
She could. She’d even stopped outside the tack store and considered buying appropriate footwear. But it all came down to practicality. What would she do with boots in the city? She’d scoured her closet before coming here and gathered up every article of clothing that looked appropriate based on her research of the temperature and climate in the area. She’d not found a single pair of boots among her belongings.
Chase nudged her toe again. “Everything is outside your comfort zone right now. It’s up to you if you want to change that.”
Indignation rose and crushed her throat. “I’m doing the best I can.” The threat of hot tears scalded her eyes. She drove the feeling back, stuffing it into the recesses so it didn’t interfere. She’d cried enough. “It’s not easy waking up every morning and not having a purpose or a reason for getting out of bed.”
“Waking up is the reason for getting out of bed. God gave you another day, that’s worth celebrating.” He stuffed his fisted hands into his pockets and backed up a step, then swung into a saddle on a frame across from her. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do.”
“Sure sounds like it.” She grumbled under her breath, pinched the bridge of her nose, and exhaled slowly through parted lips. “I don’t mean that.”
Her emotions had been as fragmented as her mind, but she’d thought that part of her journey over since coming here.Chase prodded at the most sensitive areas of her disconnect. He challenged her to move forward, which was exactly what she wanted. So why did she take offense when he pointed out the obvious? The fact that her guard shot up instantly was problematic. “Do you believe things happen for a reason?”
The chaplain at the hospital had said something along those lines and it hit a sore spot.
Chase stood in his stirrups and raised his arms up and back, grabbing a bridle from a hook on the wall behind him. He threaded the reins through his fingers, then worked the latches open and closed. His eyes remained glued on the strips of black leather that looked like a chaotic mess to her eyes, but he completely understood. “I think God has a reason for everything. We may never understand the why, and maybe we’re not meant to. There’s a verse in the Bible that talks about sacrificing, and one of the things I’ve had to learn to give up is my need for controlling every aspect of my life. I was never in control. I’m never going to be in control. And if I believe that God has my best interests at heart, then I can learn to be okay with not knowing why things happen.” He paused. “But people are another matter. God gave us free will, and sometimes people are horrible.”
She had nothing to say to that. Honestly, her mind went kind of blank as she processed such a ridiculous way of going through life. Was it ridiculous?
“You know what I find funny?”
“I’m not falling for that.” Chase grabbed a white bottle and sprayed it on the bridle. He followed that with picking up a rag and rubbing it along the leather. “I might be a poor country bumpkin, but I’ve heard enough to know that when a woman says, ‘you know what’s funny’ she’s not actually going to talk about something funny. It’s a trap.”
“I find it funny that I woke up and still knew how to walk and talk.” She’d not understood how much that meant to her until she realized everything else was missing. “I don’t think I can be okay with trusting a God who let this happen to me, but I can appreciate that I didn’t have absolutely everything ripped away from me.” It was the first time she’d voiced it, and the truth in it gave her that same warm feeling she’d experienced yesterday.
“See. Not funny.” He finished cleaning the bridle and hung it back on the peg behind him. “Some people would call that lucky. Others would say God’s looking out for you.”
“What do you say?” The need to have clarity about her situation threatened to become an obsession.
He swung off the saddle and held out his hand toward her. “Not falling for that one either. I can’t make up your mind for you. My opinion on the subject is pointless.”
“Is it?” She let him help her from the saddle and smoothed a hand over the seat. “Why doesn’t your opinion matter?”
“Because I have no idea what you’ve been through. I can empathize, but I’m not comfortable telling you how to move forward. What I said earlier was out of line. Your comfort zone is yours and I’m not going to push you to do anything.”
“I like when you challenge me.” She pointed at her damp jeans. “And I like working in the barn. But you should know that I’m pretty sure I’m not the kind of person who lets a prank go unpunished.”
He bent at the waist until their faces were inches apart. “Give it your best shot.”
She really did like it when he challenged her, and the way her entire body leaned toward him proved it. “You’d better make me get back to work. Otherwise, you’re going to be so far behind you’ll never catch up.” Moving away from him brought a rush of confusion and a swirl of disquiet.
“I need to work with a few of the younger horses. I’d planned on riding the fence line today to check for gaps.” He dipped his head toward the stalls. “If you were willing to ride, we could do that together. I have a horse you can ride.”
“I don’t remember anything about riding.”
