He shrugged but I could see the excitement shining in his eyes.
“It’s because of you, Emersyn. I was taking the easy way out, teaching and coaching instead of pursuing what I really wanted—what I was afraid to want. Watching you, seeing how dedicated you are to your art, in spite of everything you had working against you, it made me realize something.”
“That I’m slightly insane?”
He leaned closer. “You made me realize what a coward I was being by not taking my shot. I talked to my brother. You were right. He was happy for me.”
“I knew he would be, Aiden. To know you is to love you. And to love you is to want what’s best for you.”
“I don’t know that everyone would agree with you on that.”
“Then they’re lying.”
He kissed me once more, pulling me into his lap. We watched the sun come up together. Even though it was the beginning of a new day, something final settled over us—a heavy foreboding feeling that sunrise was the end of something.
“I have to go soon,” he said low in my ear. “I don’t want to. I wish I didn’t have to.”
I leaned back on his chest and sighed. “They have NHL teams in California too. I think.”
He let out a soft sound of amusement. “Yeah, they do. But this is your time. Your life is here now. Mine is still back home.”
My throat constricted. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want you to go. I want to stay like this forever. Right here.”
I felt like a child again, the same way I’d felt at seventeen when my dad packed his bags and walked out on us. The little girl in me wanted to throw a tantrum and beg him to stay. But the woman I’d become, a strong woman I was realizing thankfully in part to my mother, wouldn’t allow it.
He kissed the top of my head but said nothing.
My inner child pouted.
I’d gotten my GED and he’d resigned from teaching. Our relationship was no longer forbidden or illegal, and we were going to be on opposite sides of the country.
It was unfair and the unfairness stung almost as much as letting him go.
“Will you miss me?” I allowed my little girl self to ask.
Aiden pulled me sideways so he could look at my face. “I already miss you. I will miss you every second of every day until I have you back in my arms again just like this.”
My teeth sank into my lower lip and I bit down to keep the words inside.
When will that be? How will we make that happen?What if we never make it back to one another?
As if he’d read the questions in my mind, Aiden squeezed me tighter. “Not every unknown is bad. Sometimes you have to give hope a chance and see what happens.”
I let my body relax against his once more. “I don’t know how much faith I have in hope.”
Another kiss on my head then, “I’ll just have to have enough for the both of us.”
Some time later, when the beach grew crowded, he stood and we said goodbye, agreeing not to have some big emotional scene or a goodbye kiss.
We parted like friends, hugging, then stepping apart until only our hands remained connected, then letting our fingers slide out of reaching distance.
Every step away from him felt like digging deeper into quicksand.
When I made it to the house, I turned and he was still there. Unmoving. Watching me.
Some spark of hope flared in my chest.
Maybe he wasn’t leaving. Maybe he’d decided to stay.
