Tabitha gasped, feigning a scandalized expression. “You did not mention that in your letters!”
“I wished to tell you myself,’ Bridgette said, “but I cannot possibly let it continue.”
“Oh, I am sure. A handsome lord who likes you and wishes to pursue you! What a dreadful fate,” Tabitha said, grinning. “You must stop that dashing man at once.”
Bridgette rolled her eyes. “Hilarious. No, the problem is that this young lord believes I am a lady. If he knew the truth, I am sure he would be much less interested in me.”
Tabitha winced. “Oh.”
“If it was not doomed from the start, I might be inclined to accept his pursuits. There is so much that I have wondered about the … the more physical aspects of marriage.”
“I am beginning to feel as though you agreed to visit simply because you want to learn what it is like to bed a duke.”
Bridgette gasped. “Why I never!” she exclaimed, her eyes shining. “How is it, though? How is all of it? I have never even embraced a man, much less kissed one. And certainly, I have never shared my bed with one.”
Tabitha leaned back against the seat. “You know,” she said, “if you read more, you might have your answers.”
“Why read when I can ask an authority on the matter?” Bridgette asked.
“I cannot tell you much about my intimacy with Matthew,” Tabitha said. “We have not been—well, on our wedding night, we did not entirely consummate the marriage.”
“What?” Bridgette asked. “Did—did you try?”
Tabitha sighed. “Somewhat. It was pleasant from the start, but he did not wish to complete the act. I had thought he would wish to try again,” Tabitha said, her face growing warmer with each word, “but he did not. He has not touched me since that night.”
“Oh, Tabby …”
“I know,” Tabitha said. “Things are strained between us, and I wish I knew how to fix them. But I do not. He says that we ought to live separate lives.”
“Perhaps they will improve,” Bridgette said. “Or maybe you can learn to love your life regardless. I know so little of love, but I do know you value your freedom. If you cannot have both, surely one is better than neither?”
“Yes,” Tabitha conceded.
“After all, Cassius promised you love,” Bridgette said, “and that coward would not even do the honourable thing for you. At least His Grace has proven better in that regard—consummation aside.”
“That is true,” Tabitha said, “and I suppose it must be difficult for him. He was married before, and it has taken him over a decade to wed again. Matthew must have loved his wife very much. It must be quite a change for him to be a married man once again.”
“I suppose,” Bridgette mused, “and he is handsomer than Cassius.”
“Is he?” Tabitha asked. “Why, Bridgette, I am not sure I appreciate you talking about my husband like that.”
Bridgette laughed. “Oh, but—at least, you do not have to endure any terrible verse from His Grace.”
Tabitha fought the urge to smile. Cassius had been a charming man. Among other gestures of affection, he had written her poems to her beauty, but Cassius was not exactly William Shakespeare. Still, Tabitha had been touched that he would think she was a worthy subject for his art, even as he committed unfathomable travesties against the English language.
That was the one thing he was awkward at, but he had always seemed so sincere in his poetry. He had always spoken it to her with such a joyful, doting expression. Tabitha felt a small pang of regret for having lost him. It was ridiculous to long for the man who nearly ruined her, even a little, but she still did sometimes.
“I will admit that I cannot imagine him writing any verse to me,” Tabitha said. “You are right about that.”
After their cold discussion in his study, Tabitha could not imagine receiving any romantic gesture from him. Indeed, the idea was nearly comical.
“You were so lovesick, though,” Bridgette said, smiling sadly. “I am still sorry that it ended like that.”
“As am I.”
“He is worse off for it,” Bridgette said. “I warrant you he will not remain on the Continent forever. He will return, and I hope he burns with regret when he sees that you are the Duchess of Hillsburgh and happy not to have him in your life!”
“That would be just, would it not?” Tabitha asked.
