My phone lights up as he calls back.
I answer, heart in my throat.
“Lexie?” His voice is rough with sleep.
“Hi,” I murmur, suddenly unsure why I called.
“Hi,” he echoes. There’s shuffling on the other end.
His sleepy voice stirs something inside me, something I thought I’d buried.
“I got into the program,” I blurt out. “The GSRI.”
“Oh shit! Really?” he exclaims, sounding more awake now.
I bite my lip. “Yeah.”
“Holy hell, that’s awesome. I’m so proud of you, Lex.”
“Thanks,” I reply, my voice flat.
“Why do you not sound happy?” he asks softly, concern evident in his tone.
“Because…you were right. It doesn’t really matter. It won’t bring her back.”
Freddie inhales sharply. “Lex, I…” He pauses, and I can almost see him running a hand through his hair, the way he does when he’s frustrated. “I’m sorry. Fuck. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was heated and upset and…”
“I’m sorry too,” I say. “Remember when we used to talk every day?” I stare out of the window, clutching the phone tight. “I understand why you have to take the job, really I do. I just… I miss her.” I confess with a shaky laugh, but it comes out hollow. “I mean, it doesn’t matter now anyway. I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m doing any of this anymore.”
There’s a pause, and when Freddie speaks again, his voice is determined. “Can I come over?”
“Yeah,” I breathe, relief flooding through me.
“I’ll be there in five,” he says and hangs up.
The silence that follows is deafening. I feel lost, confused, adrift in a sea of emotions I can’t quite name.
The knock at the door startles me out of my thoughts. My heart races as I cross the room, hand hesitating on the doorknob for just a second before I pull it open.
Freddie stands there, looking like he’s run the whole way. His hair is a mess, chest heaving, eyes wild with an intensity that makes my breath catch.
“Lex, I—” he starts, but I don’t let him finish. Something snaps inside me, all the pent-up longing and frustration of the past months breaking free. I grab his shirt and pull him to me, our lips crashing together with the force of a tidal wave.
He responds immediately, as if he’s been waiting for this moment as long as I have. His arms wrap around me, strong and sure, as he kicks the door shut behind him. We stumble backward into my apartment, a tangle of limbs and urgent kisses.
“I’m sorry,” I gasp between kisses, my hands fisting in his shirt. “I was so judg?—”
“No, I’m sorry,” Freddie cuts me off, his lips trailing a path of fire down my neck. “I was wrong about everything. God, Lex, I was so fucking wrong.”
We bump into the kitchen counter, and Freddie lifts me onto it without breaking our kiss. His hands are everywhere, leaving trails of electricity on my skin. I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, needing to erase any space between us.
“The job,” he pants, pulling back just enough to look into my eyes. “I didn’t take it. I’ll find another one. Lexie, you were right; I was rushing.”
I search his face, hardly daring to believe what I’m hearing. “You don’t have to?—”
“I want to,” he insists, cupping my face in his hands. His thumbs trace my cheekbones, sending shivers down my spine.
“I’m tired of pretending, Lex. Aren’t you?”
