Instead, Mom’s voice is soft when she speaks. “Tell me what happened.”
So I do. The words pour out like a dam breaking – about the mining site, about their dismissive attitude toward restoration, about the sick feeling in my gut when I realized what I’d be part of.
“And I know we need the money,” I finish, my voice rough. “I know you and Dad were excited about it. But Mom, I just... I can’t. I’m only a junior though, I have time to find something else. Something better. A company that actually gives a shit about more than their bottom line.”
“Language,” she chides automatically, but there’s a smile in her voice. “Oh, honey. Is that what’s been eating at you? Thinking you’d disappoint us?”
“Well... yeah. You guys were so excited when I told you about it. Dad was so proud.”
“Freddie,” Mom’s voice is firm now. “We were excited because we thought it was what you wanted. Because you seemed excited about it. That’s all we’ve ever wanted – for you to find something you love, something you believe in.”
“But the money?—”
“Will come,” she interrupts. “From a job that doesn’t keep you up at night. From work you can be proud of.”
I swallow hard. “Really?”
“Really.” She pauses, and I hear her taking a shaky breath. “I’m sorry if we put too much pressure on you, honey. Your father and I... we worry, you know? But that’s our job, not yours.You need to follow your dreams, not carry our burdens. I’m so sorry for putting that on you.”
“Mom...”
“Besides,” she continues brightly, “your father’s been feeling better these past few weeks. The new medication seems to be working. He’s even talking about picking up some part-time consulting work from home.”
“Seriously?” Hope flutters in my chest. “That’s... that’s amazing.”
“It is. So you see? We’ll figure it out. We always do.” She clears her throat. “Now, tell me what kind of companies you’re really interested in. The ones doing good work.”
Relief floods through me, making me light-headed. “There are actually a few environmental consulting firms I’ve been researching. They work with companies to implement better practices, real sustainability initiatives. And there’s this non-profit that does restoration work,” I continue to tell her about it.
“That’s my boy,” Mom says softly, and I hear the pride in her voice. “You’ll find something perfect, honey. I have no doubt.”
“Thanks, Mom.” My voice comes out rougher than I intended. “I promise I’ll still take care of everyone, just... with a better company.”
“Freddie,” she says, saying my name like she used to when I was in trouble, but her voice is gentle. “You’ve been taking care of everyone since you were sixteen years old. Maybe it’s time to let us take care of ourselves for a bit while you figure out who you want to be.”
I have to swallow hard before I can speak. “When did you get so wise?”
She laughs. “I’ve always been wise, you were just too busy being you to notice.” Her voice softens. “I love you, honey. And I’m so proud of you – not for any job or salary, but for the manyou’re becoming. The man who stands up for what he believes in.”
“Even if what I believe in is weird environmental stuff?”
“Especially then.” She pauses. “Oh, and Freddie? Tell that girl of yours I say hello. The one who’s been helping you see things differently.”
I nearly choke. “What? How did you?—”
“Mother’s intuition,” she says smugly. “That, and you talk about her every time you call. Alex, right?”
“I do not?—”
“You do. It’s sweet.” She laughs at my spluttering. “Bring her home sometime. Anyone who can make my son rethink his whole life plan is someone I need to meet.”
“Mom!”
We hang up.
“Fuck it,” I growl, hitting send before I can change my mind.
The whoosh of the sent email seems to echo in my quiet room. I slam the laptop shut, my heart pounding.
