“No!” Tara gasps.
“Yes. On his ankle. In Comic Sans.”
“Oh honey,” Tara says sympathetically. “At least the sex was good?”
I lift my head to give her a look.
“That bad?”
I shrug.
Tara winces. “Well, there are other fish in the sea. Preferably fish who aren’t still in love with their exes.”
I quickly change out of my uncomfortable date outfit and pull on some leggings and my UMS hoodie. The fleece lining has only gotten softer with time, and the hood is just big enough to cocoon my entire head if needed. Tara always teases me about being surgically attached to it, but I don’t care. But, to her delight, I do wear it much less out of the house now.
“I’m done with fish. All of the fish in the sea. I am done with them,” I declare, walking back into the lounge. “I am going full vegan now and sticking to it!”
“Sure you are,” Tara says, her tone knowing. “This has nothing to do with a certain tall, dark, and complicated someone?”
I throw the cushion at her. “I hate you.”
“Love you too,” she sings. “Now, want to order pizza and trash talk Ryan’s tattoo choices?”
I manage a small smile. “Only if we can get pineapple.”
“You’re a monster,” she says fondly, already reaching for her phone.
As Tara orders our usual combination (half pineapple for me, half anything-but-pineapple for her), my phone buzzes. It’s Freddie.
Hey, btw Ethan’s plagiarism charges got dropped. Turns out having detailed browser history proving you slowly absorbed academic content over time is actually helpful. Sorry again for showing up tired.
Despite myself, I smile.
Yay! I’m happy for him. It’s okay to be tired; I will allow it on this occasion because you were helping a friend
You will allow it, will you? Well, thank you, Queen Lexie. You are so honourable and kind
I know, I know. My benevolence knows no bounds
Speaking of bounds, guess what Troy’s trying to do right now?
Oh God. What?
Apparently, he thinks he can fit an entire burrito in his mouth at once. Says, and I quote, ‘My ex did it on TikTok.’
NO. Do not say the word ‘ex.’ I’ve heard enough about perfect women named Sarah for one lifetime
??? Spill the gossip, Lexie. Who’s Sarah?
Just had the worst date of my life. Guy wouldn’t stop talking about his ex, Sarah, and her revolutionary window designs
I try not to think about how Freddie never talked about his exes. Or how, even at his most infuriating, he never made me want to flee the country.
Window designs?
Don’t ask. But apparently, they’re revolutionary
Sounds riveting. Did you use the Antarctica excuse?
