“Can we just—” my voice cracks, and I hate myself for it. “Can we just not?” I meet her eyes, silently begging her to understand.
Tara squeezes my shoulder and, because she’s the best friend I could ask for, immediately launches into a story about Troy’s disastrous attempt at making protein pancakes this morning. “I swear to God, the kitchen looked like a crime scene.”
“It was not that bad!” Troy protests, gratefully latching onto the change of subject.
I pull on my UMS hoodie like armor. Its familiar weight makes everything feel a little more manageable.
As they bicker, Alfie surprises me by shifting closer, his voice pitched low enough for only me to hear. “Hey, don’t take it personally. That was his dad on the phone earlier.”
I look up, startled. Alfie never voluntarily starts conversations, and now he’s started two with me in an hour.
“Things aren’t great at home,” he continues, fiddling with the label on his beer bottle. “His dad’s health is getting worse, and the medical bills…” He shrugs. “Freddie’s being a jerk, but he’s not himself right now. I promise you he doesn’t mean it. He’s a good guy.”
“Oh.” The word comes out small. I think about all the times Freddie’s mentioned his family, how his voice gets tight when he talks about his dad. He’s told me a little about their situation, how he feels he needs to help out, but I didn’t realize how bad it really is.
“Yeah.” Alfie stands, awkward now that he’s said his piece. “Just... give him some space. He’ll come around.”
As he walks away, I stare out at the lake, my mind whirling. I thought I knew where I stood on these issues, but now... Now I’m not so sure. Maybe Freddie’s right—maybe things aren’t as simple as I want them to be.
And the worst part? A tiny voice in the back of my mind wonders if he might be right. Am I just being performative? I mean, I’ve never been able to stick to veganism, and I know that’s best for the planet. I just can’t help craving a chicken burger every time my period hits.
Am I a total poser?
FREDDIE
THEN – SOPHOMORE YEAR – MARCH
“Just a few more steps. And no peeking.”
“Freddie Donovan, if you’re leading me into another one of Ethan’s surprise pranks?—”
“Would I do that to you?” I keep my hands over her eyes, guiding her carefully around the corner of the gym. She’s so small compared to me that I’m practically wrapped around her, and it feels kind of nice, the way she leans against my chest.
“Yes. Yes, you absolutely would.” But she’s smiling—I can hear it in her voice.
“Your lack of faith wounds me, Lexie. Also, watch the step here.”
She stumbles slightly, and I instinctively tighten my hold. Her hair smells faintly of lavender shampoo.
“Seriously, what is this about? I have a lab report due?—”
“And I’m sure it’s color-coded within an inch of its life. Now shut up and prepare to be amazed.” I position her just right, wanting her to get the full effect. The afternoon sun hits thepatch of dirt perfectly, making the tiny wooden sign I spent way too long painting look almost professional.
“Ready?”
“I swear to God, Freddie, if this is—” Her words cut off as I drop my hands. For a moment, she just stands there, and panic starts creeping in. Maybe this was stupid. Maybe I read too much into that conversation about wildflowers. Maybe?—
“You made a bee garden?” Her voice is soft, almost awed.
“Well, technically, right now it’s more of a dirt patch with potential,” I say, scratching the back of my neck. “The seeds are just planted, so it’ll take a while. But I remembered what you said about native species and how important wildflowers are. And there was this unused space behind the gym, and my manager’s wife apparently loves gardening, so when I pitched the idea?—”
“Home for the Bees,” she reads the sign, and damn if her smile isn’t the brightest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Yeah, well,” I shrug, trying to play it cool. “Figured if I’m going to keep up my reputation, I need somewhere cool to bring the ladies.”
She turns to me, and for a second, I think she might hug me. Instead, she punches my arm. “You’re such a dork.”
“Wow. I create a whole sanctuary for your precious pollinators and this is the thanks I get? I even used recycled wood for the sign. That’s like, peak Alex Ford approval material right there.”
