“Oh my god,” she gasps, wiping her eyes. “I can’t believe you made me do that.”
“Hey, just speaking truth.” I’m grinning like an idiot and can’t seem to stop. “You’re the baddest ass I know, Lex. And if you ever forget it...” I tap her nose, making her scrunch up her face. “I’ll just have to remind you.”
Sitting here in my piece-of-shit car that smells like the popcorn we definitely weren’t supposed to have in here, watching Alex laugh with mascara streaked down her face, I realize I’m completely fucked. Because I’d do literally anything to keep her looking at me like this. To keep making her laugh like this. To just... keep her around.
And for a guy with fucking huge commitment issues? That’s terrifying as hell.
ALEX
THEN – FRESHMAN YEAR – MARCH
I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to fun. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself as I stand at the edge of Lake Violet, where half of UMS seems to have gathered to take advantage of this freakishly warm March weekend. While most people are off hiking the trails or rock climbing, I’m here eyeing the kayaks bobbing in the water like brightly colored torture devices. The sun beats down with unexpected intensity for early spring, turning the lake into a mirror that reflects my own terrified face back at me.
Everyone’s gone a little crazy with the surprise summer-like weather, desperate to shake off the winter blues. The parking lot is packed, music drifts across the water from portable speakers, and the smell of sunscreen fills the air. I’d rather be inside working on my lab reports, but Tara insisted we couldn’t waste a sixty-degree day in March. Colorado weather is notoriously unpredictable—tomorrow, it could be snowing again.
“Come on, Lexie! The water’s not going to bite,” Freddie calls out, already waist-deep and grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.
I force a smile that probably looks more like a grimace. “Yeah, but the fish might. Or the bacteria. Or the?—”
“Alien lake monsters?” Ethan chimes in, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Don’t worry, I hear they only eat people who can’t paddle.”
From her perch on a beach towel, Tara gives me a thumbs-up. “You’ve got this, Alex! Show that lake who’s boss!”
Easy for her to say. She’s sitting this one out, claiming a twisted ankle from her last Zumba class. But I suspect she’s just here for the picnic Troy put together. Her brother is seriously a great cook. Much better than Tara, whose culinary repertoire is limited to mac and cheese and grilled cheese. The girl loves her cheese and carbs, and who can blame her?
“If you’re done stalling,” Alfie’s quiet voice cuts through my thoughts, “some of us would like to actually get in the water today.”
I feel my cheeks heat up. Alfie’s intense gaze makes me feel like I’m single-handedly responsible for melting the polar ice caps. He’s the only one of Freddie’s friends I haven’t really bonded with. He’s handsome—devastatingly so if you like that brooding, moody type. But he’s so intense and unfriendly that I don’t know how to act around him. Freddie says he just takes some time to warm up to people, which might be true, but to me, it seems like he takes decades.
“Give her a break, Alf,” Troy pipes up, checking the straps on his life vest for the third time. “Not everyone’s born with your natural bravery.”
As they bicker, Freddie wades back to shore, holding out his hand. “Trust me?” he asks, his hazel eyes twinkling with mischief.
My hand instinctively reaches for Emma’s pendant. The familiar silver leaf, cool against my palm, helps ground me.
I hesitate for a moment, then take his hand. It’s warm and calloused, steady as he guides me into the cool water. “If I drown, I’m coming back to haunt you,” I warn him.
“Noted,” he chuckles. “Though I think ghost-you would probably just lecture me about the environmental impact of my sunscreen on lake ecosystems.”
“Oh God,” I groan, “I really am that predictable, aren’t I?”
“Predictably passionate,” he corrects, helping me into the front of the kayak before sliding in behind me. “You’re safe, Lexie. I’ve got you.”
As I settle into the kayak, wobbling like a newborn giraffe, I can’t help but wonder how I ended up here. A year ago, I was content with my books and my solitary mission to save the planet. Now, I’m in a lake, practically in Freddie’s lap, surrounded by people I truly care about. Even Alfie, though he might grumble about it.
The thought is equal parts thrilling and terrifying. Kind of like this kayak, which seems determined to flip us into the lake at the slightest provocation.
“Ready?” Freddie asks, his breath warm in my ear as he reaches around me to grab the paddle.
I take a deep breath, gripping the paddle like a lifeline. “As I’ll ever be.”
As we paddle out, I’m acutely aware of Freddie’s presence behind me. His chest is close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating off him, and I catch the faint scent of his sunscreen. It’s distracting, to say the least.
“You’re doing great, Lexie,” he encourages, his voice low and close to my ear. I suppress a shiver that has nothing to do with the cool water splashing against my arms.
“Thanks,” I manage, focusing intently on my paddling technique.Left, right, left, right. Don’t think about Freddie. Left, right, left?—
“Heads up, lovebirds!” Ethan’s voice breaks through my concentration. “Race you to the buoy!”
