Even after that week, when she had to go back to work, Maya remained constant. She'd check in every day, drag me out for girls' nights, and always seemed to know when I needed a shoulder to cry on or a kick in the ass to get moving.
Now, looking at her bright smile, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. Maya has been my rock, my cheerleader, and my best friend through the darkest period of my life. She's put up with my mood swings, my self-pity, and my occasional backslides into grief without complaint.
If spending a day with her brother is what it takes to make her happy, then that's exactly what I'll do. Because after everything Maya's done for me, she deserves nothing less than my best effort. Even if it means playing nice with Cody Banks.
I walk downthe sidewalk at a leisurely pace behind Cody and Maya. They’re chatting casually about something or another—a visit with their parents, I believe. I feel completely out of place. Like an outsider. We’ve been walking around town—blusteryand miserable—for nearly an hour and if anything, the day is just getting worse and worse.
I’m a big enough person to admit that I’m not completely faultless in this situation. Icouldjoin the conversation, play nice, and pretend like I want to be here. But I’m too tired. The thought of pasting on a smile and playing the role of the sweet girl makes me feel sick.
Luckily, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s avoiding eye contact like the plague. Which is precisely what I’ve been doing since we met up with Cody in the lobby. I don’t look at him. I don’tdare.I don’t think that I could even if I wanted to. Things are different after last night. I see him differently and I know he sees me differently too. We were vulnerable. We saw parts of each other that we’ve been pretending don’t exist for the past ten years. I want to trust him. My first instinct is to trust him. But there’s something holding me back and I’m not quite sure what.
Well, that’s a lie. I do know what. It’s the fact that he’s a man and lately, I’ve found myself untrusting of men. I’m sure anyone could guess why. It’s not my fault. I’ve just been burned too many times. If I could just read his mind to know for sure that his intentions are pure…
Great. Once again, I’m driving myself mad trying to figure out what a man is thinking. No matter how much I pick it apart or dissect it, I’m as lost as I was at the beginning. It’s almost sickening how stressful it is.
And he’s glancing back at me. Every few steps, he’s looking over his shoulder. I pretend like I don’t see him. I pretend like he’s nothing but an empty shadow in front of me. But I see him and it’s making me crazy. Whyis he looking at me? Why is he so utterly unpredictable? Ihateunpredictable. I want to know when, why, and what at all times and with Cody, I know absolutely nothing.
At some point, Maya must become annoyed with the fact that I’m pointedly avoiding her and Cody because she slows the two of them down and they fall in line to my left. It’s quiet, almost uncomfortably so.
Maya is the one to break the silence, walking between Cody and me on the sidewalk. Her nose is bright pink from the cold, but it looks cute on her tan skin. I’m sure I look like a literal tomato, my face a neon shade of red from the blistering cold. “Is anyone gonna say anything here, or do I need to start a conversation that neither of you is going to like?”
At first, neither of us says anything in response to Maya’s enquiry. It’s uncomfortable, and we all feel it. But when Maya starts to open her mouth again, both of us jump at the opportunity to stop her. Maya is too unpredictable. There’s no telling what she’s going to say, and it could most definitely make things worse—way,wayworse.
“Okay, okay, fine,” Cody says.
“We’ll talk,” I add.
Maya smiles triumphantly and for the first time in a long time—what might just be forever—I have to fight the urge to slap the smile right off of her face.
So much for wanting to keep her happy no matter the cost…
Cody and I are momentarily quiet, and I at least know Cody well enough to know that I’m going to have to be the one to start this.
“So, how’s the hangover?” I ask loudly, hoping to break the ice with a little harmless humor. I look over just briefly enough to catch Cody glaring at me, dark circles under his eyes making his face appear much more pale than it normally is. He looks miserable and angry. Apparently, he didn’t enjoy my joke.
This is exactly what I warned Maya about. Cody and I just aren’t on the same page.
“Fine, thanks,” he replies shortly. “And how is the stick in your ass feeling this morning?” He almost catches me off guard, but I stand strong.
I start to retaliate with something significantly worse when Maya grabs my arm. “Okay, that’s enough!” She groans and looks up at the sky like she’s cursing God for putting her in this situation to begin with. “I don’t understand you two. You get along one second, then the next you’re like a couple of bitter divorcees. And it sucks because you two individually are the sweetest people I know, but together, you turn into people I don’t even recognize anymore. Come on.Please.Can’t you just talk it out?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Cody says simply. “Whether we get along or not is our business, and you can’t force us into rekindling a relationship that just isn’t there.”
I’m offended that he’s speaking on my behalf, even if what he’s saying is true. We tried. We really did. And I thought things were going well, but nothing between me and Cody ever turns out the way anyone wants it to. It’s like we were made for the sole purpose of tearing each other down again and again.
“What happened between you two last night?” Maya asks, on the verge of anger. No one else would be able to detect the subtle tremor of emotion in her voice, but I can. And I hate it. This day was supposed to be for her, to ease her worries, but all I’m doing is making it worse. I hate myself for it. I must be the worst best friend in the entire world. “I mean, I really don’t get it.” She turns to her brother. “Is throwing a fit something you normally do, Cody? Because it’s not a trait I associate with you.” Her attention turns to me. “And Darcy, why were you and Cody together in the middle of the night, anyway? My God, for a couple of people who bring out the absolute worst in each other, you sure do struggle to stay the hell away from each other.”
“It’s not Darcy’s fault,” Cody intervenes before I can muster a reply. I’m caught so off guard by the admission of guilt that I’m rendered speechless. “I went to her room to talk to her, and I didn’t leave when I probably should’ve. She was trying to help. She was giving me good advice, but I didn’t want to hear it. So, I picked a fight and stormed off. The argument was my fault. Plain and simple.” His eyes flicker to mine, so big and blue that I immediately forget any negativity I feel toward him. Cody is sweet. But Cody is also a boy. And for the longest time, I’ve believed that that combo didn’t exist. But now? I don’t know.
“I’m sorry, Darcy. I was a dick to you yesterday. I don’t blame you for what happened last night. I’m just… angry. At everything. But not at you.” He looks at his sister. “And not at you, M. I’m sorry. I’msofucking sorry. This was supposed to be a fun trip. I was going to show you everything that I love and teach you everything that I’ve learned here. I’m completely ruining it by letting myself get so caught up in unimportant things.”
I watch Maya give Cody a look that I struggle to interpret. Which is strange, given that I thought I knew every emotion Maya has. As I should.I know everything about her, right down to the freckle on the inside of her thigh and her fear of clowns. But this is new. It’s something she and I have never talked about. Not on the floor of my bedroom or in her parents’ basement. It’s foreign, almost as foreign as the pain spiking into my heart right now as I watch her.
I think this new emotion of hers might be sadness, but not an everyday kind of sadness. It’s the kind of sadness that cuts deep. It’s grief. Horrible, undeniable grief. But what could she possibly be grieving?
“Claudia isn’t unimportant,” Maya says to her brother, quietly, as if it’s not something I’m meant to hear. “And you know I don’t blame you for being upset over it.” The momentbetween them seems intimate. I feel as if I’m interrupting something private by listening. “And you haven’truinedanything Cody. I’ve been just as distant as you have, so if you’re going to blame anyone, blame me. I mean, jeez, I’ve been running around with your coworker instead of spending time with you. The thought of that kept me awake last night while I was waiting for you to come home. Starting today, I’m going to be better. I’m going to get my priorities in line and be with you, like a good sister should.”
Cody sighs deeply, a loud breath that speaks louder than a thousand words. He nods and scratches the back of his neck “Yeah, yeah, alright. Can we just agree to start over?” He looks at me. “All of us? You guys are only here for a few more days, and I want to make the most of it.”
