“Yes,” I whisper.
“But just kissing?”He traces the collar of my shirt, leaving hot, shivery embers in his thumb’s wake.
My stomach dips.Iwantto say, “More,” but I haven’t thought it through.
Nick chuckles, this deep laugh that makes me feel aglow.“You’re thinking too much.Clearly, I need more practice kissing.You’ll practice with me, right, Maddie?”
He kisses me again, and all my thoughts quiet as I focus on exploring these feelings with Nick.
Chapter twenty-two
Nick
We’reinthestudiorecording another one of our songs.I’m hyped up.It sounds unbelievable.
“And that’s it for this one,” the producer says.“You guys can take a break in the lounge.”
The lounge has two black leather couches and a fully stocked fridge, filled with name-brand water, seltzer, the latest fruit drinks, hand-pressed juices, and your usual selection of sodas.I hastily drink an entire bottle of water.I nod as my band members excitedly talk about the album.
I can’t get kissing Maddie out of my mind.I wrote another song last night after she left, but I haven’t shared it yet with the band.It’s too raw, too unfiltered.Because what was that?I hated to let Maddie go.I wanted her to sleep over, even if we were just going to be sleeping.Me?Mr.No Long-Term Commitment, My Career Comes First?
But when she grabbed my shirt… I felt such a feeling of…elation?Satisfaction?A high.Like I’d conquered a mountain.
But this is Maddie.
She was clearly born to drive me crazy.
And I’m still not the right guy for a woman like Maddie.She needs someone who will be home, not someone who will disappear for months at a time on tour.Even if she pushed back on my mom when she said that I wasn’t partner material.Was that part of the charade?
José says, “I have some exciting news.Elena is pregnant!”
My mouth opens wide.
“Congratulations!”Sayo says, as do Amira and Kyla.
“You’re having a baby?”I ask.
Amira punches me as I realize that my tone sounded full of disbelief.
“Yes, congratulations,” I say, trying to disguise my shock.Is José about to leave us?
José is glowing.He shows us an ultrasound photo.But how is José going to go on tour?He keeps talking about Elena’s morning sickness and how excited he is, as if this is totally thrilling news and not an announcement that he might be quitting the band.
How serious is Sayo’s relationship?Will she quit the band eventually, too?I’m standing on my own little solitary island.But they want this as much as I do.They work just as hard.But maybe that’s because they have a ticking clock, because how long can you keep it up?And we’ve already spent ten years pursuing this dream.
But now we’re finally about to make it.
We’re called back into the studio to record the next song.
I toss and turn.I haven’t seen Maddie since our epic kissing session last night.I’m avoiding her.I’m not proud of myself.But I need to figure out my feelings first.I need to tread carefully.I don’t want her to think she’s not an amazing kisser and I’m not into her.But if I give my usual excuses for why we can’t date, she’ll see through them.
I shake my head.I mean, she might think it’s her kissing and not me, when it’s definitely my career.But Maddie hasn’t been calling me, either.
Her no-bullshit brain probably recognizes I’m a bad bargain.
And I can’t believe José is starting a family.We’re about to go on tour.He can’t leave Elena here.But a tour is no place to raise a baby.
Beep, beep.
