I slowed and angled into the parking lot of The Dairy Freeze, now shuttered for the season. I parked but kept Murdoch idling for heat. I needed a beat to breathe, which Ethan didn’t question. Almost like he anticipated the detour.
So I breathed. The day’s dramatics cycled through my mind. So many questions with few answers. Running beneath the surface was what I’d been avoiding for days. Weeks. Years?
“You were never freaked out by me having dead parents.” The words burst out of me. “Why?”
Ethan freed himself from the seatbelt and hunched forward with his elbows at his knees. “You had a great family. Why would I be freaked out?”
I could never understand it either. And yet, the pitying looks, the outright avoidance by girls at school. The piqued interest in high school by the outcast kids, many who had troubling home situations. I never felt troubled, but it was as if people were suggesting there was something wrong with me that I wasn’t. “You saw me as Marlowe. Not as a Holly. I was just…your friend.”
Ethan watched me. “And now?”
Jangly holiday music played at a low volume from the car stereo. Now? We were fake dating to win a kooky competition for pretty big stakes. Now we’d altered a lifetime of friendship with a kiss. I wasn’t sure where to go from here. But I needed to face this. “I’m glad you’re here, Ethan. At the same time, I regret involving you at all.”
He angled toward me. “I don’t regret anything with you, Marlowe.”
My heart triple flipped and landed deep in my chest. It stuck the landing until he spoke again.
“Okay, I regret one thing.” He spoke at the window and fidgeted with a metallic piece of ribbon probably leftover from today’s crafts. “See, I care about you. Ihavecared about you. For a long time. I never told you how much. I regret not telling you how much.”
Love isn’t conditional.He’d told me as much at the farm.
Love.Lovewasn’t conditional.
“Ethan, do you mean…” I wanted him to say it. Out loud. “Wait.” Maybe he needed to hear it from me. I’d been the one to hold back so long when Ethan had always been there. He had, right? Always been there? Waiting…on me.
“I also…care.” I squeezed my eyes shut at my own awkwardness. Why was this so hard? Ethan could be anywhere right now, including working at his own business, and yet he sat here in an aging town car driven by a woman whose family orchestrated elaborate (and festive) obstacles for their own amusement.
A woman who loved him.
The realization shook me.I loved Ethan.Not simply a crush or a nostalgic memory. I loved Ethan now. For the man he’d become. For who he strived to be. And all of the in between.
I’d always loved Ethan. It was almost unimaginable to think otherwise. I wasn’t sure what understanding this love meant for us, but I knew it was the truth. And he deserved to know.
Everything else fell away. Ethan looked up and centered his focus on me. Looking. Not staring, but looking. Waiting.
“Why are you looking at me?” I asked, barely above a whisper.
“Because you’re beautiful.”
He said it so simply.
“Ethan, I—”
He silenced my confession with his lips.
My mind flooded with memories. Ethan’s smile. Running through the property to the boundary fence by his farm. Building tree forts, hours of video games, secret bike paths. School dances where we lurked by the snack table. Baking together last week. Our kiss on the couch.
This kiss felt hopelessly late and right on time.
His fingers trailed against my cheek. Next, they made a slow climb into my hair. Starting from the nape of my neck, traveling to cradle the back of my head. Teasing my hair as he teased me with soft lips.
Why hadn’t we been doing this for weeks? Years?
I angled to taste him better. I needed to show Ethan how much I wanted this. Us. Together. We’d figure out the rest.
Heat spread through my body. This was new and so familiar. Like I’d come home.
Home. I was home. I sensed it, finally, to my roots. It wasn’t the place but the people. It was him. Home was Ethan.
