“Khalid’s always been extreme,” he cuts in half-bitterly, half-lovingly. “When he asked us to fuck his girl while he watched, I took it at face value that that was the payment. Because I couldn’t imagine sharing you with anyone. The pain of just thinking that…” He clenches his teeth. “I’ll kill anyone who touches you, Micha.” He fucks me slowly until he calms back down. It takes a while, but I don’t rush him. I need the extra time anyways to wrap my head around what he’s saying.
He groans, then comes inside me. He breathes heavily, his chest beating hard against my back.
“But then I found out from Maddox that he also asked Talon to fuck her before all the shit went down, but he did not need him after. So I put the pieces together.
“Khalid’s payment was never about us fucking his girl – a carnal act without meaning. It was about him being afraid she’d fall in love with one of us and leave him. He thinks she’s too far out of his league. That she’s beautiful and pure while he is the reaper.”
“He isn’t just a reaper. He’s a person.Myperson.”Her earlier words come back to me, and shame hits my cheeks.
“It’s why he needed his brothers to do it. So he could see her laugh with us after. So he could wake up every morning and fear this would be the day she realizes she can do so much better than him.” He shakes his head. “He didn’t need Talon anymore because he knew she’d never fall in love with him.”
I swallow as I tremble beneath his body. “But Khalid still needed you –”
“He did. Which is why he can never find out I didn’t do it.”
“But you said he watched –”
“I convinced him to wear a blindfold. Like I said, he’s always been extreme. I told him that if he watched us, he’d know who made her scream the best. Then he wouldn’t get as jealous if he saw her laughing with a different brother. But by not knowing if she was talking to the one who made her come the hardest...” He looks at me sadly but without regret. “I hurt him further so I didn’t have to hurt you.”
My breath catches. Tears fall down my cheeks.
“I stood in the hall with them, but Maddox went in for me. He slipped into his shadow so no one could hear him shapeshift. Thenhefucked her, Micha, not me. And then he went in again at the end, being extra sure to let her know it was him so both his turns felt different.”
“But you smelled like her.”
“The whole fucking floor smelled like her. I swear to you, Micha. I never touched her.”
His dick slips out of me as he steps back, and the wet heat pours down my legs. He turns me around and hugs me tight. “I’m so sorry that I left you believing I fucked her all this time. I just couldn’t bear the thought of hearing you say, ‘It doesn’t matter,’ or ‘I don’t care,’ when I told you I didn’t.”
I roll my lips in, breathing hard through my nose as my body shakes. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold him to me. “I’m sorry,” I say into his chest. “I only told you that because I didn’t think it would matter if I said no. You already chose your brother over me; I couldn’t handle you doing it again, and I…” I trail off, feeling too vulnerable.
“Yes?” he murmurs as he strokes my back.
I don’t say anything for a long time, and I can feel his fear that I’m blocking him out again, but I’m just trying to figure out how to word what I want to say without sounding like I’m crazy.
“I wanted you to choose me.”
“Like a test?”
“No. Like… I didn’t want you to not do it just because I told you not to. I wanted you to not do it becauseyoudidn’t want to.” I blow out a breath in frustration. Explaining shit is hard. “I didn’t want to have to beg you to not cheat on me. I just wanted to know I mattered.”
“Of course you ma–”
“You’d just tortured me, Varius.” I try to pull away, but his arms lock me to him. “You tortured me, you left me for hours, and then you said you had to fuck another woman!” My anger rises. “How the hel was I supposed to know you cared about me? That I mattered?”
“You’re right. I said something stupid. I’m sorry.”
I clench my teeth, annoyed that he’s apologized. I’m so fucking angry, and I just want to scream a bit. But now I can’t.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Nothing.”
“I can tell –”
“I’m just angry, okay?”
“With?”
