I thought for a moment. There was an ache in my stomach, but it was not hatred. It was pain. “You were a victim. A child hurt by the person who was supposed to protect you. I don’t hate you, Roman. I hurt for you.”
I shuffled across the space that separated us. Since arriving, I had instinctively rolled into him each night; it seemed only practical to save my sleeping self the effort. Gently, I placed my hand on his shoulder. “And I’m grateful that of all the places I could be, I’m here with you tonight.”
Chapter 22
ROMAN
Estrella sat beside me, her starlight hair aglow in the candlelight. I wasn't sure I’d ever get over how beautiful she was—the gentle curve of her face, the pinkish hue of her lips. I had memorized it all with a toxic fascination, even the little scar above her brow, so faint I doubted she could see it with her human eyes. My little warrior.
We were the first to arrive for dinner, and I enjoyed the polite silence that settled between us. It felt calm, as though the tension between us had crumbled, leaving something fresh and raw in its wake. At first, I feared her hatred, knowing my true sins. Then I feared her pity as her eyes welled with crystalline tears. Yet, there were neither now, only acceptance.
Voices echoed from the hallway, Catina’s among them. She must have snuck in after we returned from the Levis estate, somehow evading detection. She walked through the door first, Sorin following at her side like a lost puppy, just as he had for as long as I’d known him. Not that either were emotionally intelligent enough to acknowledge it. Not that I had any room to talk.
Catina was dressed as usual, in leather pants strapped with a harness of blades, knee-high boots almost blending into the fabric. Ared shirt cropped at her waist revealed her tanned arms, which were covered in tattoos, just like Sorin from their tattooing days. She jingled as she walked, adorned with various jewels and trinkets. She may have left the Javali House decades ago—even before she met Sorin—but she still clung to their love of all things shiny.
There was tension in her shoulders, and she was absently spinning her beloved blade in her palm, something she did when she was stressed. She always was when she came home from Molvon. Seeing her old home and reliving those traumas always had that effect on her. I wished she would let me send Isabella or Razvan in her stead, but she was stubborn about things like that. She wouldn’t accept help if it meant evading death, much less just to avoid heartache.
Estrella was watching her in open awe, her eyes wide. She had been excited to meet the general of commerce—to hear stories of the sea and ships—I just hoped Catina would be amicable toward her. Catina was like a domesticated housecat; nice enough if kept fed, but always a moment away from unsheathing her claws.
Estrella stood and walked around the table, shouldering between Enso and Sorin to confront Catina. She looked so small between my generals, but her comfort around them made my chest warm. Maybe she would find happiness with us someday. Maybe she could find happiness with me.
“It’s nice to meet you, Miss, I’m Estrella!” Estrella dipped into a polite curtsy, then held out her hand.
Catina balked as Estrella filled her space. She had been particularly verbal about her distaste for my decision to rescue an acolyte, and I hadn’t yet told her about Estrella’s arrival. There was a breath of weighted silence as the women stared at each other and the rest of the room waited for Catina’s reaction.
“The name’s Catina. Pleasure.” Catina shook Estrella’s hand, thenlooked at her palm like someone had spit on it as they separated. I’d accept it though, as long as she remained civil.
Everyone took their seats as Viviana and Crina, two of the kitchen staff, brought out trays of wyne and a plate for Estrella. Then dinner commenced. My muscles relaxed, and my jaw unclenched for the first time in months, sitting there surrounded by my whole family. That cacophony of chatter and laughing was a welcome relief after so long without them around.
Sorin sat between Catina and me, his theatrics picked up with a renewed vigor now that she was home. Luckily, she always served as a buffer for his antics, drawing his attention like a moth to light. She would roll her eyes and curse him out for his comments, but I knew she loved it as much as I did—loved him, even if it wasn’t the same way he loved her.
Isabella sat next to her, of course, her friend returned after so long. When Sorin wasn’t demanding her attention, Catina was in a deep conversation with Bells, a smile curling both of their lips. They had always made a strange pair, as different as night and day, and I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that they had always been the only women in the cabinet or their similar pasts had brought them so close to one another. They had each other, and that was what mattered.
Enso sat on my other side, looking like the dragon he was while drinking from his miniscule teacup, barely visible in his palms. He was mostly silent, though I saw the crinkle around his eyes each time Sorin took a jab at him. He almost completely blocked my view of Estrella. She was excitedly talking to Razvan, though I saw her eyes occasionally flash to Catina, her interest in the general piqued.
Taking a sip from his teacup, Enso called over to Catina. “So how was Molvon?”
She tore away from her huddled conversation with Bells to giveEnso a grimace. “How do you think it was? Edward made it his personal mission to piss me off, but it was fine, as it always is. Luckily, the Azu House has a new fleet of ships that are much faster than their last fleet, so that has helped with some of the delays we’ve been seeing.”
Sorin let out a low rumble. “I still don’t understand why I can’t kill that fucker.”
Catina threw him a flat glare. “I can take care of myself,” she snapped.
I rolled my eyes at them both. “Catina, why don’t you tell Estrella about the fleet? She’s interested in hearing more about our ships.”
She blinked in surprise, her attention going to Estrella for the first time since sitting down. “Why?”
“I’d love to see one someday! I saw the ocean for the first time in Greford, and I can just imagine navigating it on a ship,” Estrella responded breathlessly, her eyes wide and glittering.
Catina turned her attention to me, her eyebrows raised. “You let her leave the castle?”
The table went silent.
Incredulity bubbled up my throat, but I choked it back. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped.
“Nothing, I just thought—” she snorted and rolled her shoulders. “Never mind.”
“No, what did you mean by that?” Estrella had gone tense, anger twisting her pretty features into something vicious and beautiful. Her hand was flexing around her fork like if she squeezed hard enough it might shoot out and spear Catina.
