My legs are numb. I think my vision is blurred. I can’t feel my hands.
I think they’re clenched on my lap, but they don’t feel real. The air on this plane is thin, too recycled. Every breath tastes like plastic and bad decisions. My shirt’s clinging to me, damp from sweat, even though the air conditioner is blasting straight down my face.
She didn’t leave a note. She just vanished. Who does that?
And I’m supposed to believe it’s okay? That she’s bailed on me already?
And why not? All my girlfriends leave. I’m a dating disaster.
And in hindsight, maybe marrying after a first meeting is the way to go.
I close my eyes and try to picture her face, and that look she gives me when she’s amused but pretending not to be—except it’s flickering now, like a glitch in a memory file. All I can see is the back of her walking away. And my chest pulls so tight I have to cough.
No. No. It doesn’t make sense. This has to be wedding remorse—cold feet after the fact. People panic. People get overwhelmed. Right? That’s normal. She’s probably just hiding out somewhere, rethinking the gravity of forever. That’s all.
It’s not me.
Is it?
I mean—I’ve done everything right. I showed up. I can be committed. I put the damn ring on her finger, and I meant every word when Isaid it. I wasin. Iamin. Maybe too in, and perhaps she saw that. Maybe it scared her.
Shit.
Panic sets in.What if she wants out?
My heart pounds louder at that with a wild beat that’s unsteady. What if she’s sitting somewhere, or she’s already lawyered up? She could be drafting an annulment right now.
Maybe she’s telling herself it’s better to cut loose now than later.
What if she regrets all of it?
No. That’s unacceptable. We were good together. So good. And the sex? Well, hell, I remember all of that!
I won't let her back out. That’s all there is to it. I mean, I didn’t run. I’m still here—on this goddamn plane, sweating through my vows and trying not to unravel like a lunatic in seat 11C.
She married me. Thathasto mean something.
And I swear, if I have to crawl through every city she might’ve escaped to, I will because she can’t just disappear on me. She can’t un-choose me.
I won’t let her.
Besides, she’s mine.
10
KATE
NO WAY THIS IS REAL
“I’m standin’at the doorway, hand on the light/Half of me’s leavin’, half wants to fight.Do I stay, do I run, I don’t really know…‘Cause love’s got a way of not lettin’ me go.” Kate Riggs
My phone rings.
Then it rings again.
Then it doesn’t stop.
Manager. Mom. Brother. Some unknown number that is probably tied to a journalist who was digging through my recycling bin as I sit here, thinking.
