“It’s fine,” I say, willing my racing heart to calm the fuck down. I feel like Kruz with how jumpy I am right now.
He pads over to Sienna’s crib and runs his fingers gently along the top of her head. “Just had the urge to check in on this one.”
I kind of want to smack him, because if he wakes her up I am going to have to actually strangle him, but I just smile because I know the urge well.
He shoves his hands in his pockets and steps away from her, then leans against the wall facing me.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I breathe. “No,” I find myself admitting immediately after. “Both, I guess?”
“I get it. I didn’t have the best relationship with my dad either.”
That wasn’t the direction I saw this conversation taking. “How do you?—?”
I’m asking him how he knows what my relationship with my dad was like, but he just gives me a cynical snort and closes his eyes, his head falling back against the wall quietly. “I know what it’s like for everyone to expect you to be torn up about a family member’s death and you’re just…not, you know?”
“Yeah.”Do I ever. I’m still put off that he is even bringing this up.
I’m not exactly irritated that Jack has likely talked to him about me—aboutthis—but I also kind of am. I haven’t even really talked toJackabout it much, but I suppose it’s no secret and this is not the first time someone has pointed out my apathy in regard to the situation.
Still, it makes me a little sick to my stomach that I shared something so deeply personal about what my relationship with my parents was like and he apparently felt like it was fine to talk to his friend about it. And for either of them to speculate what my feelings in regard to his death have been like? What a person shows on the outside is not always how they’re dealing with things on the inside.
Stu is not too far off the mark, but it’s still bold of him to assume like this.
Upon further consideration, I probably would have spilled to Kruz too if the shoe was on the other foot, so I guess I’m a bit of a hypocrite.
“I don’t fully know what your relationship with the old man was like, and I know this all sucks and is scary, but you should feel pretty confident that Jack will take care of you until it’s a thing of the past.”
I just nod. I know he will… and it feels nice to finally have someone in my corner. Jack gave me a job as his nanny during a tough time in my life, and his support has been a lifeline. He’s been there for me when I needed it the most; he’s become one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
Maybe more?
It’s been more than just a job; it’s been a chance to find some stability again during a chaotic time in my life. His support makes me feel lighter.
Being around him and Sienna makes me feel lighter.
“Me and Ez too.” He steps back over to Sienna’s crib, looking down at her loving as he brushes her hair to the side one last time. “His family is our family.”
He exits the room and leaves me in the silence, and I immediately feel guilty for being annoyed with him for saying any of the things he just said.
He’s just trying to show he understands and cares—that he plans to be here for me in the ways he can.
I could use more of that in my life right about now.
Several minutesafter Jack and Ezra have made their way back upstairs, I finally force myself to leave Sienna’s room and head down the hall again, thoughts of everything Stu said—everything he’snoticed—still lingering in my mind.
Back in the study, Jack is ending a call, apparently clarifying something with someone at the security company. His eyes meet mine as I re-enter the room, and that thing happens again; everything else seems to fade into the background and it’s just us.
We’ve barely given in to the spark between us and already I feel utterly obsessed with him.
Stu is back behind Jack’s desk at his computer, doing techy things I have no concept of. He asks Jack a question, and I don’t hear the words but his voice snaps me back to reality.
Jack rattles off the information, his focus shifting back to the task at hand. I stand by, feeling somewhat useless but knowing that my presence matters. And if not, well, at least I feel safe here with him. I don’t think I'll fare well in my dorm tonight, and I’m not sure when I will feel safe being there alone again—or if I will again at all.
I’m definitely not any more useless than Ezra, who is stretched out on the divan playing Candy Crush on his phone.
A silence settles over the room again, broken only by the occasional tap of keys and Ezra’s huff when he loses a round. Time seems to stretch, each minute a small eternity as we wait for him to finish up.
