“Hey, babe. I know we haven’t been talking lately, but call me back.”
“What the fuck!” she screamed and threw her phone on the floor of the passenger seat.
Great timing, asshole.If she hadn’t just made a tentative deal with a demon—a fine-as-hell demon—she may have fallen for his manipulative bullshit. If it were three, maybe four days prior, she would havegladlyturned a blind eye to his gaslighting, if only to have a warm body in her bed at night and a distraction from her self-sabotaging thoughts. Blaring loud music did wonders to keep the thoughts at bay, but it was no replacement for human interaction, even if that interaction was forced and basically make-believe. At least it was tangible.
Now, however, she had more important things to attend to. She nearly tripped on her way out of the car and slammed the door behind her. She allowed her anxiety over the impending confrontation to encourage her fury.Angerwas a useful tool. It could be wielded and used to take action. Just like Dr. Ellis had said, right?Feel your feelings.
Well, she was certainly feeling something.
Justin sat on the edge of the bed she had bought for herself with his head in his hands. He looked pathetic. He barely lifted his chin to look at her until she leaned into his eye line, arms clutched around her chest and brows high and demanding.
“‘Hey, baby?’What the ever-loving fuck, Justin? You have got to be kidding me!”
Justin stood and moved toward her as though about to wrap her in his arms. She shot her hands out and snapped his wrists away from her. He looked surprised.
Did he expect me to fall back into his arms?The answer was obvious, but what stung the most was the truth in it. She would have. She would have taken one look at his face, seen his intent, and said,you don’t even have to apologize. Can we pretend this never happened and move on?Because she was nothing if not a master of avoidance.
“Look, Addy. I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling.” He threw his hands up and then slumped down into her computer chair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have up and left like that.”
“You think?”
“I mean, Ididtry to tell you—”
“Stop right there, buster. None of this matters. You left me here with all the bills, knowing I couldn’t pay them and look for a new job at the same time.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She gaped at him. Angry red bumps raised the hair on her arms and climbed the back of her neck. So unaccustomed to voicing her feelings and articulating the thoughts inside her head while clouded with anger, hurt, and betrayal, she sputtered as she tried to clobber together a sentence. Laughter bubbled up inside her as her emotions tangled, the conflicting signals from her body sending mixed messages to the part of her brain in charge of emotion regulation. If she weren’t so caught up in this moment, she would think of all the tools Dr. Ellis had tried—and obviously failed—to implement in her life.
Laughter won and she doubled over in a fit of giggles that was definitelynotwhat she needed right now, but at least it was better than tears.
“Justin…you dumb fucking…fuck. Get the…fuck…out of...my…house!” The whole sentence took her minutes to form around the hiccupping laughter that was ripping through her airway.
“What are you laughing at? Are you laughing at me? I’m trying to have a serious conversation about our relationship!”
“I’m not…trying…to laugh.” But she couldn’t stop. “Leave! There…is no…relationship!”
Justin stood from the chair so quickly that it toppled over, knocking into the desk hard enough to make everything shake. Stevie tipped over and her wish jar rolled onto the floor, stopped only by the toe of her shoe.
“Whatever, dude. You’re a bitch,” snapped Justin.
That made her laugh even harder, a real laugh this time, and she lowered onto the bed so she could clutch her aching tummy and double over at the waist. Tears sprang from her eyes, but she wasn’t sure if they were from laughing so hard or if they were the tears that usually showed up when faced with conflict.A little late.
The front door slammed shut behind him and Addison wrestled for control of her emotions. She held out her arms and watched her fingers shake as she choked down the laughter and breathed.Palms up to show my body it’s not in danger. Breathe into my belly. Breathe out slowly, as though trying not to extinguish a candle.
When her breathing and shaking were under control, she realized what she’d just done.
She stood up for herself.
Maybe Dr. Ellis didn’t do so bad after all.Sure, there had been way more laughter involved than she expected, and she hadn’t been able to voice how much he’d hurt her. But shekicked him out.She didn’t let him back into her life simply because he showed up and expressed a willingness to go back to their safe little lie, their act of pretending that made her feel needed.
She made a mental note to tell Dr. Ellis about it when they spoke next week, then took a final deep breath and slipped into the bathroom for her post-work shower. Right before stepping in, she realized there was no towel on the rack and went back into the bedroom to find one.
The mahr’s little black butterfly danced around her room.
Chapter 13
Addison
