A short time later, I shiver as he transfers me from his arms to the cool sheets. “Stay and keep me warm,” I beg, reaching for him.
“Anything for you, angel.” He slips in next to me, warmth radiating from his body as he encircles me in his embrace.
“I love you, Azrael,” I mumble before instantly falling back to sleep.
I don’t even think—I just say it. And as the words leave me, I know there’s no taking them back. But I don’t want to.
Chapter 40
Azrael
Though it physically pains me to be away from Mercy, I slipped out of bed not long after bonding with her to retrieve our wet clothes from the library. The truth is, I was restless. I needed something else to focus on.
When I apparate into the library, I snatch the clothes from the floor, then vanish back to the landing at the top of the stairs and toss them carelessly back in my room.
I watched her sleep for hours, memorizing every detail before I forced myself to leave her. All I want now is to get back to Mercy so I can savor waking up together. I don’t trust myself enough to actually fall asleep beside her. If anything were to happen, I couldn’t live with myself.
I’ll rest later, when she’s with her mother and I’m alone. The truth is, I haven’t allowed myself much rest since she arrived. I’ve been too focused on her safety. I’m even consideringbringing Marblas inside to guard her. At least then I’d know she’s protected—he’d never let anything happen to her.
Still, guilt laps at the edges of the mindset I’m struggling to maintain. I do my best to numb myself to it.
But I’m not the only one awake. The Ringmaster’s disapproving glare finds mine, and I instantly regret not throwing the clothes in the fireplace and allowing them to burn. I should’ve been more careful. I know better than to let him corner me like this. Especially when the scent of our arousal still lingers on my body.
Shadows curl defensively around me, warning the Ringmaster of my mood. I don’t stop them. I’m no longer afraid of him. I felt the shift in power when the bond with Mercy locked into place, and I know he felt it too.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he sings, tone laced with quiet menace.
“It’s not your business,” I snap.
“What have I always told you, Azrael?” he snarls, staring down his crooked nose at my cold, dark eyes, and the endless pools of rage swimming behind them.
“I broke the curse. I’ve never felt this much power before. “
His body tenses as if readying a rebuttal, but instead of striking, he folds his arms. I return his glare, already imagining the torment I’ll inflict now that the upper hand is mine.
“I’ve tried to warn you, Azrael. You’re not built for love. This will end badly,” he warns.
I roll my eyes. “Says who? Without love, the bond wouldn’t exist.”
I raise my hand. His face drains of color, and he takes a step back. In a battle of strength and power, the outcome could go either way. We’re evenly matched—for now. He has more experience, and is more cunning. I have the power. “I’m only trying to warn you,” he replies, sensing my defensiveness. “You’re too weak to fight it. You’ll never be strong enough to end this. You still haven’t figured it out.” Then he turns and storms off, disappearing down the hallway toward his wing.
“Stay out of it,” I roar, shaking the walls with my voice. Dust rains from the ceiling.
My hand waves over Mercy’s wing, casting a protective ward. “He may not enter here,” I instruct the magic, watching it weave a gate from shadows.
I don’t want to return to her like this. Swallowing back my anger, I slip back into the room. My encounter with the Ringmaster has me pacing the floor, clinging to my like smoke. Summoning a glass of whiskey, I settle into the chair by the fire—trapped and alone with my thoughts, with no way to escape them.
Mercy sleeps peacefully. Is there something I’m missing? The Ringmaster said I haven’t figured something out. But what couldit be? I take a sip of the whiskey, allowing the burning warmth to spread over my body and settle my nerves.
Anger towards the Ringmaster builds deep within me as I take another sip. I hate him with every part of myself. He’s always doubted my abilities, shrouding me in constant negativity. It has a way of fueling my own self-doubt.
Can I really fulfill my destiny and fall in love?
It’s the question that haunts my nightmares and consumes my waking thoughts. This is what the Ringmaster does—he controls everything, manipulates thoughts and actions, pulls the strings like the puppets everyone else is to him.
I sigh, toss back my drink back, and slam my glass on the table with a thud. Slumped in the chair, I cradle my head in my hands and let my thoughts drift. Further and further into the dark I descend, until it surrounds me entirely. It threatens to turn into something much worse. I laugh, and it echoes in the emptiness. Am I dreaming? Have I slipped into a nightmare?But this isn’t one I know. My nightmares are predictable—beat by beat. This doesn’t scare me. Iamthe nightmare. I’m what lurks in the night, the shadow in the corner, the hunter waiting for his prey.
A glimmer flashes in the distance, light bouncing off something I can’t see. I walk toward it through the endless dark. Another flash, and I’m falling. I shift to shadow, spiraling downward. I know where I am. Somewhere deep in my mind, I’ve slipped through a portal to the underworld. The Kingdom of Shadow and Bone. A summons from my father is the only explanation.