It takes her a few breaths to recover, and then she continues her story. “He forced me to bed him. He returned each night, like clockwork or a curse. For forty nights, I endured him. And then, without a word, he vanished.” She wipes a tear away, and I fight the urge to hug her.
“Your father came home twenty days later, and by then I already knew I was with child. I missed my blood. I wasn’t taking the tonic because there was none to take. Our supplies were being destroyed, looted, and raided.”
“Oh, Mama,” I gasp.
“I’ve always suspected you aren’t his. You look nothing like him. You were born with eyes too old and silence too loud. Even as a baby, I knew… you were touched by something not entirely human.” She hesitates, unsure whether to continue.
“You can tell me, Mama,” I urge.
“The reason we fight is because he has always suspected it, too. The dates didn’t add up, and we both knew it, but my midwife lied for me. She kept insisting it was normal for the first birth to take a little longer sometimes, but he’s always had his doubts.”Tears slide freely down her face, and I reach for her, sobbing into one another until neither of us has anymore tears left to cry.
“So you think I’m part… whatever that thing is?”
I thought learning the truth would make me feel real. But now I just feel cursed.
My mother nods solemnly. “I do.”
“But then, why did it attack us?” I ask, more to myself than to her.
“I don’t know, but I’ve tried to hide you—to keep you safe. Mercy, I don’t know what the Divine are planning or what they would do to you. It’s for the best you stay here. It’s safe inside the house.” Her declaration catches my attention.
“What do you mean, it’s safe?”
Guilt drenches her face. “I had the house and all the property surrounding it warded. An old priestess created them for me, promising you would always be safe inside the wards, and you’d remain undetectable.”
“So this is why?” I whisper, finally understanding.
She nods. “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”
“It’s okay, Mother. I forgive you.” I mean each word. I forgive her. The love she has for me is bigger than this universe.
We spend the rest of the day working through the chores side by side, and when night arrives and my father returns from his day, I look at him with a newfound understanding. Maybe they could have been happy. Maybe things would be different if not for my existence. It almost makes the things he’s done forgivable. But I can never forgive him for the secrets he’s forced me to keep, and the things he’s done to me, even now. Even knowing I’m not his child.
We eat in silence until my father clears his throat. “I have an announcement.”
He doesn’t wait for either of us to respond. “I have found a suitor for you, Mercy, and today we agreed on a price. You’ll be married by year’s end. The deal is done.” He smiles, as if truly overjoyed to finally be rid of his reminder.
I smile back, faking my enthusiasm. “That’s wonderful news.”
“Yes, dear. You’ll make a beautiful bride.” My mother smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
We make small talk with my father until he retires for bed, and once my chores are complete, I excuse myself to take a bath.
I wash quickly, not allowing my thoughts to dwell on anything from my mother’s confession. And even though it isn’t safe, I’ve decided I need to see him. I have to tell Azrael. He’s the only onewho might understand. I want him to tell me everything will be okay—like he has so many times before.
There’s just one problem: he doesn’t have a show tonight, and I’m not sure how to find him. If I get caught sneaking into the circus, it could mean trouble for both of us. My father made it very clear I’m not allowed to see him. If he finds out I’m sneaking off to the circus, he might marry me off even sooner. Despite my complaints this morning, I don’t want to be married. I need to convince Azrael to do something—anything—to stop it from happening.
Hours later, when I’m certain the entire town is fast asleep, I climb out my window in my nicest nightgown, and my fancy knee-length jacket wrapped over it to protect me from the cool nighttime air. My selfish desires far outweigh any consequences I can imagine. I no longer care what the man I call father will do. I’ve lived under his silence, his rules, his hatred, and I’m done obeying. Whatever consequences come, let them. I jog through the shadows to the big top, its outline dark and foreboding on the edge of town. I hope Azrael will bring me the comfort I’m so desperately seeking.
Chapter 16
Azrael
Inside Zora’s boxcar, she’s enchanted the ceilings to glow full of twinkling stars. It stretches endlessly, like the sky itself has been bottled inside. The incense is heavy and thick; the smoke curls and twists like a serpent dancing through the air. Jars filled with unbelievable things—teeth, severed fingers, toenails, and mysterious liquids—line the shelves. An adjoining wooden rack brims with dried herbs and strange plants, a narrow ladder linking it all like a spine. It makes me uneasy. A goddess of the night, black magic, and a corpse Lucifer specifically asked for. I’m practically asking for something bad to happen.
A crackle makes me jump, twisting my neck to see an oversized hearth with a coal-black cauldron. Silver swirling symbols glow around the rim in a language so old I don’t recognize it. The fire blazes beneath the cauldron, warming its base until it glows red. She leads me to the granite workstation, littered with pestles, mortars, and more equipment, where she deposits the Seraphimbody casually—like she’s done it countless other times with creatures in her possession.
Turning, she motions for me to follow her over to a round table on the opposite side of the boxcar. It’s adjacent to the one where the ominous crystal ball rests. To my right, the crystal ball radiates a soft purple light from the stand where it sits, swirling full of clouds filled with crackling power. I gulp but can’t look away, entranced by the rhythmic movement.
