Kodi gasps on the other end of the line.
“I was mad at first about the deck because I didn’t want to rely on a man to help me with anything unless I asked. Once I got over myself, I was like,this is actually nice, and I thanked him.” I pause, seeing if she will say anything more. “With a hug.”
“Blair!” she shouts my name so loud I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “You hugged the grumpy neighbor?”
“I know, I know.” I find myself pacing my living room telling her the story. “It just happened. And it felt so weird.”
“Like a good weird, or a bad weird?”
I stop pacing. “Kodi, the man was stiff as a board, like he hadn’t been hugged ever in his life. But it was a good kind of weird. He felt good.” I sigh. “Griffin isall man. Rugged and broad and it was… He felt strong.”
“Ha! There you go. Someone to fulfill yourneeds,” she coos.
“Not everything needs to be about sex.”
“But it helps.” She laughs, and I just roll my eyes even though she can’t see me.
“This is a really small town. The last thing I want to do is ruin my reputation around here,” I say.
“Ohhh, big reputation.”
“Now’s not the time for jokes,” I warn her.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve thought about it.
For an entire week.
I played every scenario in my head and the consequences of falling for my neighbor. The list of reasons I want to get to know him more, be around him, and just talk to him was long. Only the short list of reasons I shouldn’t that holds me back.
The biggest being my fear of heartbreak again.
Because of what I went through, I now just assume all men are the same.
I conjured up a whole fake scene in my head of me dating Griffin. He would kiss me goodbye in the morning before going off to ride his horse at the ranch. He didn’t come home before going right to the bar. He then called me to tell me he was going right back to the ranch. Only for me to head there to the spot Lily told me was her favorite to watch the sunset and find him with someone who works on the ranch, riding him like a horse in one of the stalls.
The scene is so irrational and out there.
But seeing something as horrific as I did with my own two eyes has ruined me. I cried myself to sleep a few nights ago with the thought that I may never be able to love again. That I may never be able to open myself up completely to allow someone, even thechanceto hurt me.
Dammit. I want to, though.
I crave that big, loud love.
“Fine.” Kodi’s voice shuts down my runaway brain. “But I think you should just let him help you. You can work on growing your independence while still accepting help. Isn’t that a part of it?”
I release a long exhale. “I guess you’re right.”
“I know,” she scoffs. “I always am.”
“Whatever.” I laugh at her antics. “I have to go. I’ll text you later. Love you.”
“Love you big,” she says just before hanging up the phone.
I check the clock on the stove and realize Griffin should be here any minute now, and I’m still in my sleep set. Opening the front door, I assess the weather for the day. You know how you stick an arm out to feel the temperature to decide your outfit choice? Yeah, it’s the only way to do it around here.
Shuffling through my closet, I find a pair of biker shorts and settle on an old, oversized T-shirt since I know we’ll be staining the deck today. Not that I’m even sure howstaininga deck works. It’s got to be the same thing as painting, right?
I hustle into the bathroom and quickly throw my hair up in a half bun and let the rest fall in its natural waves to keep it out of my face for this project. Just as I throw the last bobby pin into the small bun, I hear a knock at the door that startles me and spikes a nervous energy through me.
