“When?” he bellowed, cutting me off and making me jump. My heart crumpled in my chest at the malice in his tone. “When were you going to tell me that you were pregnant? When were you going to tell me that I was going to be a father? Who else did you figure you had to tell before it was my turn?” he barked. “Iamthe father, right?”
For a moment all my internal turmoil stopped. I’m not sure if it was due to the shock of Alfie’s confrontational questions, or that I was completely horrified by the whole situation.
“Of course you’re the father,” I countered, horrified that he could think I’d been with anyone else.
“You’re certain of that?” he challenged. His fists clenched down by his side, and I’d never seen him so livid.
“I can’t believe you’ve insulted me like that,” I muttered quietly as I wrung my hands.
“Why not? I mean you’re pregnant and we’ve hardly seen one another. You’ve always been paranoid about your birth control, yet here we are.”
“I’ve never even looked at anyone else since we’ve been married.”
“So, the baby you’re carrying is just your bad luck?”
I shrugged because it wasn’t a case of lucky or unlucky, it was that I felt totally unequipped to wrap my head around how we could make a safe and nurturing environment for a child with both of us off making music all the time.
“Speak,” he ordered and rolled his shoulders like he was trying to wind the tension in them away. I could hardly blame him for being furious with me. But even though I knew Alfie would never hurt me, the aggression in his tone almost blew me away.
He had every right to be mad, but I believed anything I said would be taken by Alfie and twisted to suit his narrative, given how incensed he was.
“You don’t even have anything to say? How about I give you an opening sentence. I’m sorry you found outthatwe are going to be parents by your bestfriendinstead of me?”
“I know sorry isn’t enough for how you found out. That shouldn’t have happened,” I muttered quietly, feeling stupid and ashamed while I tried desperately to gather my thoughts.
He strode away from me and spun on his heel, arms wide from his chest. “How the fuck did he even know?”
“Elle,” I stated. “She came over to see me after you left. Then, as I was being sick, she suggested I take a pregnancy test.”
“Elle? You were sick weeks ago. You’ve known all this time? I thought you’d just found out.”
I nodded, devastated at my behavior, and that I hadn’t given Alfie the total respect, he deserved. But with the shock of the unplanned pregnancy, I hadn’t been thinking straight. Plus, I had called him but his voicemail had been full.
If only I had known what to do and reacted in a timely manner when I’d found out, then we wouldn’t have been where we were now. I couldn’t begin to imagine how hurt Alfie must have been when Drew told him about the baby.
“Don’t you dare cry,” Alfie warned when my eyes filled with fresh unshed tears. “Who the fuck do you think you are, Lily?” he queried while his fiery gaze held mine. Of course, his reaction was perfectly acceptable since I’d omitted to tell him. And I knew then, my decision to wait things out was likely the worst thing I could have done.
“I-it wasn’t supposed to be like this?—”
“No? How was it supposed to go down?” he snapped, cutting my explanation dead.
“Right,” I said quietly, agreeing that I’d totally screwed up. “Go on, shout at me, I deserve it.”
“Shout at you?” he muttered. “You have no idea how pissed I am. Raising my voice won’t fix this.” Lifting a clenched fist, he struck himself square in the chest. He might as well have struck me because the hollow thud I heard made my heart skip a beat and not in a good way. A wave of nausea swept over me and as we were still in the hallway, I sat down on the bottom step.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice instantly softer and full of concern.
“I’m fine, I just feel a bit nauseous.”
“Okay. Deal with that and let me know when you feel better because this discussion isn’t over,” he said, sounding harsh. Turning away from me, he disappeared into the kitchen.
Alfie’s lack of consideration for the change in my condition shocked me to my core. Until that moment, even at the worst of times in our past, Alfie had never sounded indifferent toward me. But it was no more than I’d deserved.
CHAPTER 29
ALFIE
Once I’d reached the kitchen, I felt sick for leaving her to fend for herself in the hallway like that. But I couldn’t have touched her because I might have bruised her arm by squeezing her too tight, such was my temper due to the constant surges of adrenaline that kept pumping through my veins.
