“That’s a start. Want to share those thoughts?” he probed.
“Can we not do this over the phone?” I pleaded, slowly placing the cold cuts back in the plastic container.
“I hadn’t intended to. Hence, my dinner invitation—but you’re busy.”
“Don’t do that,” I snapped. “I said, I’d cancel them.”
“From my point of view, had it been me in your position, I wouldn’t even have mentioned prior plans, I’d have said when and where?” Alfie chastised.
His thorny comment took the wind out of me because he was right. That’s exactly how I should have responded.
CHAPTER 23
ALFIE
The way my chest tightened the moment I’d heard Lily’s voice warned me that I still hadn’t gotten my angry feelings in check.
I wasn’t sure whether my reaction was solely due to our situation, or my jabs toward her on the phone had been because she’d still been willing to entertain Lennie and Rick. Plus, because I knew them well, I believed they’d be staying over.
“Look, I’m coming over,” I said, making that decision on the spot. When I was met by silence it hurt my heart. “Lily?” I prompted after a lengthy pause.
“They don’t know what’s happened between us, and I don’t know that I won’t become emotional if you’re here,” she confessed.
“Do you want them to know?” I asked, wondering if it might be good to get their perspectives on our situation, figuring if she couldn’t see things from my point of view, perhaps Lennie or Rick might have some insight.
“No, come. I’d like to see you,” she finally said.
“Like? It’s more of a need in me,” I countered, sounding annoyed.
“Yes… I-I need to see you. We have a lot to discuss, but I don’t want to do it around other people.”
“Okay, I’m coming back, and God help us, I’ll even play happy family for appearances sake, if you need me to.”
“But Alfie… I told them you wouldn’t be here.”
“Well, tell them my plans changed. You can say I’ll be there in an hour or so. We’re both performers, Lily. I promise they’ll never suspect a thing. Besides, I won’t drink, then I’ll take them back to the mainland in the chopper later. Once they’ve gone, I’ll come back, and we’ll talk.”
Raucous laughter met me when I opened the door of our house.
“Left him with his dick in his hand and a shovel full of yellow snow on the porch,” Rick concluded, likely finishing up one of his usually hilarious stories.
As I pushed open the kitchen door Lily’s tired eyes met mine. That instant connection we’d had from day one sent a shockwave of recognition, electrifying every cell in my body. It carried a trace of remorse with it when I took in her slightly swollen eyelids and pale appearance.
She smiled at me, but it was a sad smile that didn’t reach her eyes, eyes that had dark circles beneath them. A pang of shame ran through me for making her suffer. It was a fact that should have given me a glimmer of hope that she couldn’t live without me, but it didn’t.
I stood in the doorway with a fake smile pasted on my face for our guests while my aching heart slowly splintered when I saw how my decision had wrecked her.
Lennie and Rick appeared oblivious that anything was wrong, and although the signs of Lily’s anguish were subtle, they were clear as day to me. She looked shocked and strung out from what I’d done.
Despite what I’d put her through, I still thought her effortlessly breathtaking, with her wild, long dark hair, and beautiful cream skin, as she sat cross-legged, Indian style on our oversized sectional. She was wearing some comfy yoga pants and a baggy band T-shirt, another point that pleased me because she hadn’t dressed up for her guests.
Once I’d set eyes on her, that undeniable magnetism we’d always shared almost overpowered me. And even as I told myself I had to act normal for the guys, my selfishness took over.
Striding toward her, I leaned over the couch, cupped her head in my hands and pressed a lingering upside-down kiss to her forehead. A spark instantly sent my pheromones into overdrive and my weeks of missing her suddenly filled me full of remorse.
Sifting her hair, I took in her incredible womanly scent, then let my palm glide over her warm skin on her shoulder. Feeling her softness beneath my hands reminded me how much I’d missed the feel of it, during the previous couple of weeks.
I straightened up, moved away and swallowed the growing lump in my throat while I circled the sofa. As I sat down next to her, I considered all the other times when I’d held her that way, times when our intimate connection had been so strong neither of us would have been willing to break away.
