“Girl, Lennie and Cody have been riding your ass for years. Okay, that was a poor choice of words, given the current circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, Lennie’s a great organizer and he’s chased some great opportunities for us, but it was mostly due to Alfie that our band got a break.”
“Lennie does have Rick as a dragon in his corner,” I reminded him.
“I agree, but he didn’t get with him until long after Alfie’s influence helped broker that deal with his band. Your guy pressing Rick to share their opening spots with us was what got XrAid’s name out there more. Cobham Street used to be bigger than Crakt Soundzz but not now.”
“I feel guilty letting you and Shawn down,” I admitted.
“Don’t. Lennie and Cody brought this on themselves. I don’t blame you for needing some time to regroup. It might do them good to see they can no longer control you.”
Relief came in a wave, and I slowly sat down on the sofa. “You mean that? Do you think they controlled me too?”
“Sure, sometimes I did. Don’t worry about us. What’s the worst that can happen?”
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “If I’m going to ground, remember, you’re welcome over here anytime. Don’t be a stranger.”
“Oh, I won’t be,” he replied with a smile in his voice. “And Lily… don’t sweat it. XrAid has been through this before with a female co-lead. Personally, I’ve often wondered why you’ve never struck out on your own. You don’t need us to have a music career.” Hearing Digs sanctioning the move I was making meant the world to me.
I then called Shawn and filled him in on everything Digs and I had spoken about. He was equally supportive and told me to do what I thought was best for me.
I was surprised about the sense of calm that settled within me once Joanne finished the recording of my statement for the press. Everything had moved so fast from the moment I’d blown up at Lennie. It had been an angry, gut reaction, but once I’d let my feelings be known, I felt as if I could breathe deeply for the first time in months.
Within minutes of my statement being made public, both my cell phone and Alfie’s exploded with calls from my bandmates, Alfie’s bandmates and many of our friends.
“Stay. Take these,” Alfie said to Joanne, handing over both of our cell phones. “This may take some time so perhaps make arrangements to stay here tonight.”
“I’d better head back,” John advised us, packing a manilla folder full of papers back into his briefcase. “I’ll check back tomorrow to see how the land lies. Any issues beforehand, you know how to reach me.”
Alfie and I walked John to the boat, where Ronnie had sat patiently waiting to take him back to the mainland.
John pecked me on the cheek and shook Alfie’s hand. “Take care of her,” he said as he climbed on the boat. Ronnie fired up the engine and they sped away from the dock, leaving us alone.
Alfie put his arm around me, pulled me in close to his side and steered me toward the house. “I’m proud of you for making a stand.”
“You know, I feel…” I shrugged, then shook my head. “Nothing. My brain tells me I should feel frightened that I’d made such a huge decision on the spot, but I don’t. In fact, I think this is the most contented I’ve felt for the first time in years.”
“It’s a brave thing you’re doing because I know how much your music means to you.”
I nodded. “It does, but right now, I think what’s meant to be, will be. Who knows, they could vote me out,” I suggested.
“I don’t think it will come to that,” Alfie argued.
“I might decide not to stay in the band,” I mused.
“You suggested that earlier. You’re seriously thinking about leaving? Whatever would you do?”
I shrugged and glanced up at him. “Be a mum. Sing on the weekends? Travel with you and the baby?” I suggested. The idea of that suddenly appealed more than it should. For years I’d fought for independence to make decisions… in fact, I’d done that ever since I’d met Alfie.
“My heart leapt at the thought that you would do that. But before my imagination began to rip through a hundred idyllic scenarios where I had you and our son with me every day, I reminded myself, I’d never want you to give up what you have going on with your band to live my dream,” he said.
It was the measured response I’d heard from him for years, and I believed he’d always put my needs before his own. “I know that, and I’m grateful you never have. But this would be my choice… something I’d do for me… for all of us.”
“All of us?” he probed, his eyes narrowing in confusion.
“For our family… and for the guys in the band. I don’t know that I can move forward with them anymore... not after this.”
“Then you don’t need permission to do what you want. But I won’t be responsible for ending your career.”
“Who said anything about ending my music career? Digs is right. I could strike out on my own.”
