I started to apologize, but Frederick returned to the booth before I could finish telling Dan that I didn’t mean to intimidate him.
With Frederick back, the panic that Dan showed was instantly replaced with a bright smile, and I started to feel like the third wheel again.
By the end of lunch, Dan was laughing and chatting happily with Frederick, all the while pretending like the little snafu between us hadn’t happened.
Something was definitely wrong, but I didn’t have time to question Dan since I nowneeded to pop by Carol’s to sign myself up for the hugging booth before heading back to work.
But that didn’t mean I was giving up on getting answers. I hated the rare times Dan and I had really fought over the years, but those experiences had taught me that the best way to end our fights was to talk them out.
I’d planned to do just that tonight, but Dan never returned. At lunch, it felt like he was creating distance between us, but I thought I was overthinking it.
Now, as I sat alone in our home, having failed at getting a hold of him over the phone and staring at my unanswered texts to him, I knew he was avoiding me.
And what the hell was I supposed to do about that?
Chapter Three
DAN
“Where were you last night?” Clay asked at lunch the next day.
I was unsuccessful in inviting either Rosa or Frederick to join us today, so it was just Clay and me. I did manage to claim a seat across from him instead of sitting beside him like we usually did. There was only a table separating us, but I felt like any tiny bit of distance was necessary, for my sanity, at least.
Besides, it was weird for us to always sit side by side when it was just the two of us, wasn’t it? It was much easier to have a conversation when the person was across from you.
Clay and I never had an issue with it before, but that was the excuse I was going to use if he asked. And I had a feeling he would, since he kept glancing at the empty space next to him.
“I went to visit the family house,” I told him, actingclueless to his questioning gaze. I could only focus on calming one fire at a time.
“You could have told me, then we could’ve visited together,” he said, forking the salad he’d ordered today. Neither of us was big on cooking, so we ate most of our meals out.
“Nah, I didn’t want to bother you. I’m sure you wanted to rest after a long day at work,” I said casually and took a bite of my pasta.
Truth was, I needed a reminder of why it was so important to keep my distance from Clay when I wanted to do the exact opposite. Going back to my childhood home and seeing mylao-baand Sandra was the cold splash of reality I needed.
They’d gotten married a year after delivering the most devastating news to my fourteen-year-old heart, that I was going to be stepbrothers with the person I’d been crushing on for years.
Said crush—Clay—had been ecstatic about their upcoming nuptials and was even excited about calling my dad “lao-ba” just as I did.
That had only been another crack to my already broken heart. It was a clear fact that Clay obviously hadn’t seen me inthatway and was more interested in being my brother than my lover.
I tried meeting their expectations. Foryears, I’d tried getting rid of my crush by shaking it off like I would a cold, but the feelings for Clay lingered. All I could do was keep pushing it deep, deep down, where nobodycould find it.
I ignored my emotions and played my part in the happy family like they all wanted me to. But all I managed to do was fall more in love with the one person I couldn’t have, and that was when it happened.
In a moment of weakness, I’d dragged Clay down into the abyss with me and started something I really couldn’t take back.
Did I regret it? If you asked the part of me that was so in love he couldn’t think straight, then I could honestly say no. But the part that wanted to fulfill my dad’s expectations and make everyone happy had.
Seeing how happy Dad and Sandra were yesterday was even more proof that my love for Clay would lead to nothing good. And letting us go further down a path that seemed inescapable to me was a line I shouldn’t be testing.
The only answer I had was to pretend none of it had happened, so I wasn’t tempted to fall back into this comfortable habit we’d developed. But that was really, really hard when Iwantedto be tempted, and Clay wasn’t doing anything to stop it.
That was how I got the brilliant idea of creating some space between us. The plan was to keep the distance until I learned how a stepbrother should act towards him, but how did I do that when I never saw him as one?
Clay’s grip on his fork tightened, but he remained silent as he stared down at his food. It was obvious hewas irritated by my sudden change in attitude, but I was already trying my best. It was either this or cut off contact completely, and I didn’t think either of us wanted that.
I cleared my throat and tried to remember how we used to interact before the lines started to blur.
