In fact, I choked and coughed so hard I had to pound myself on the chest to stop.
"Don't start!" I hissed at Eleanor, but she was laughing so hard I doubt she heard me.
There was nothing else for it.
I had to fire her.
19
Jack
It wasn't too bad. Maybe two hours of work on various minor projects, and I took on the bulk of the outdoor stuff with the assistance of my new helper. Oscar talked a mile a minute, but I was used to Shelley, so I mostly just let it go in one ear and out the other.
Tess and Eleanor disappeared into the town hall auditorium to help finish setting up the arts and crafts fair, and Bill walked around helping the folks with food and baked goods booths and stalls where they needed him.
After a while, I gave Oscar some money for lunch and a cold drink and sent him into the auditorium to eat it and cool off. Then, I headed over to the small livestock pavilion at the end of the square and ran across a familiar face.
A familiarbovineface.
She didn’t look happy to see me.
Rooster Jenkins, all seven feet and four hundred pounds of him, ambled over to stand next to me.
"Jack, I don't think that cow likes you."
The cow, her big-eyed stare glued to my face, took a step back.
"I think you might be right, Rooster. Doesn't seem fair, since I saved her from getting run down in the road."
He shrugged his massive shoulders and boomed out a laugh that probably caused a minor earthquake in Daytona Beach. "Cows, my young friend, are not the smartest animals. However, this one has a good sense of self-preservation, and Shelley told me you turned into a tiger to get her moving."
"Well—"
"Do you know the last time that cow saw a tiger?"
"I—"
"That cowneversaw a tiger. Now, imagine you're a placid creature just out for a stroll in your own field?—"
"In the middle of the road, where a truck could have come around the corner and killed her."
"And a giant, scary predator comes along and roars at her, showing his big, shiny teeth."
"She's twice my size! And she kicked me in the head!" I said indignantly. "I could have had a concussion."
Rooster sized me up. "Seems like a pretty hard head to me, Jack. Now, are you going to stand around giving poor Betsy a hard time, or are you going to help me build the stand for the trophies? These young'uns worked hard raising their piglets and calves, and they deserve their trophies."
"I guess we should build a trophy stand."
But when he turned to lead the way to the tent, I bared my teeth at Betsy.
"Hamburgers are in your future, my friend, if you don't mend your ways.Hamburgers."
By the time we finished up the "few small things," we'd sweated through our T-shirts and headed home to shower, change clothes, and eat a quick lunch of food that wasn't deep fried. I talked Tess into wearing a pretty sundress, using the Eleanor reasoning, and when we were walking back out to the truck, I felt a moment of vertigo.
Sometimes, I still had a hard time believing this was my life.
Tess, family, and small-town festivals. Sure, there were occasional crimes, but nothing like the life I'd lived for ten long years.
