I swear the woman was psychic.
"What's green bean casserole?" Jack looked back and forth between us. "I like green beans."'
"Since when? Green beans are vegetables," I pointed out.
"You like everything," Uncle Mike said. "Honestly, is there a kind of food you've ever met that youdidn'tlike?"
"You don'tmeetfood, Uncle Mike," Shelley said, giggling as she bounced into the room. "Youeatit!"
"I've had many times where I've had to eat whatever was available," Jack said quietly.
Uncle Mike glanced sharply up at him and then nodded. "I bet you have, son."
We all knew that Jack had been a soldier and a commander in the rebel army that helped keep rogue vampires from taking over the U.S., but he'd never gone into detail about how bad it had been.
We may have been fairly isolated in Dead End, but we'd heard enough about the vampire-human war to know that it must have been very bad indeed.
"Okay," Aunt Ruby said brightly. "Which one of you handsome gentlemen is going to lift this chicken out of the oven for me? It's twenty pounds."
"I'll do it," Jack said.
Aunt Ruby handed him the oven mitts, and Uncle Mike snickered at the sight of Jack in flowered gloves—at least until Aunt Ruby gave him a look.
"You've worn those oven mitts yourself," she admonished him, but Uncle Mike just gave her a cheeky grin and pulled her in for a hug.
"Anything for you, my love. Even flowery oven gloves." He planted a big, smacking kiss on her cheek, and Shelley grinned and said, "Euwww" all at the same time.
"Anyway," Jack said, roast pan in hand. "I thought Molly and her band were going to Paris this week?"
"PARIS? You and Molly are going to Paris? I want to go to Paris!" Shelley danced around the kitchen, nearly knocking the roast pan out of Jack's hands before he jerked it up and out of her way.
"Calm down," Aunt Ruby said, gently nudging my sister into a chair. "Nobody is going to Paris. Especially not for Tess's birthday. We're going to have a party right here—"
"We're not going to have a party, here or otherwise," I said firmly.
"If you want to go to Paris, I know a husband and wife jewel thief team who have an apartment in Paris we can stay in anytime we want," Jack said, but then he tilted his head, thinking for a moment. "They might be retired from the jewel theft business now that they're married. She writes books, too."
We all stopped talking and looked at him.
"Jewel thieves," Uncle Mike said.
"But at least they're retired," Aunt Ruby said brightly.
"That's SO COOL!" Shelley said.
"Nope," I said.
They all looked at me.
"Nope, nope, nope," I repeated. "I'm done asking Jack about these mysterious snippets of his past life. Clown secrets in Cleveland. Killer flying monkeys in Japan. Now jewel thieves in Paris. Just nope."
Jack grinned at me. "You know you're going to ask. You can't stand the suspense."
I blew out a sigh, because he might be right. But…later.
"Anyway, they're reformed," he said. "And it was a Robin Hood situation, to be fair."
"What…Nope." I pointed at him and then at the counter, and he put the roasting pan down on the hot pads and moved aside. I grabbed the carving knife and prepared to tune out any conversation about birthdays, clowns, or jewel thieves.
