I couldn't wait to see her face.
"Aunt Ruby, Jack took me to Atlantis! We had dinner with Prince Ven and his wife Erin, who is a major-league powerful gem singer, a kind of witch, and I even met King Conlan!"
Aunt Ruby stared at me for a long moment and then sighed. "Fine. Don't tell me. Mike will get it out of you."
"But—"
"No, just never mind," she continued briskly. "Here's the deal: I need you to dress up as the swamp cabbage for the festival parade."
"Do margarita hangovers include auditory hallucinations? Because I could have sworn you just said you want me to dress up as the swamp cabbage," I said slowly.
"Exactly." She didn't even look guilty.
"Your very own niece, whom you claim to love."
"Now, Tess. Somebody has to do it. Marvin—"
"Yes, I know about Marvin. Vampire. Blood bank bus driver. We don't want him to burst into flames during the parade, since it will be at sunset. No, no, no. There is no way I'm dressing up in that horrible, hot, ratty, moth-eaten old costume. I bought a cute little sundress, and I thought Shelley and Jack and I—"
"Yes, you and Jack and Shelley can spend all day and evening at the fair. I just need you to be the swamp cabbage for an hour, tops."
"No."
"Nobody else will do it! Do you know how embarrassing it will be for me, in my first Swamp Cabbage Festival as mayor, if nobody dresses up as the swamp cabbage? I'll be laughed out of office!"
I narrowed my eyes. "I'd think amputated fingers and missing women would be more of a concern than the swamp cabbage."
She blew out a breath. "Well, they are, but I don't have anything to do with that. And since I'm not a police officer, I can only help Dead End by making this festival the best it can be. And the parade needs a swamp cabbage!"
"Absolutely not. Why don't you ask—"
"She said no."
"What about—"
"He claims he has gout."
I scowled, knowing full well that she'd keep guessing who I was proposing before I even got the names out. Then a perfectly evil idea came to mind.
"Ask Jack." I grinned. "Tell him that it's his turn, as the newest business owner in Dead End."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Why is it ridiculous to ask him but not me?" I caught a hint of a whine in my voice and cleared my throat. "Why? Tell me that!"
She threw her hands up in the air. "Because he's too tall to fit in the costume!"
"I don't—"
Crap.
She was right. Marvin was maybe an inch or two taller than me, or at least he had been before he became a vampire—I didn’t know if the transformation process changed a person's height—and the thing had been stretched to its limits on him.
"Ask Eleanor," I said. "She's short, and she needs the distraction. Mr. Oliver has a hussy."
Aunt Ruby made atsk tsk tsksound. "I heard. That man is lucky I don't have Susan throw his butt in jail."
I needed more coffee for this.
