Loving him is achoiceI make every single day.Even when I’m bleeding from the countless knives he unwittingly twists in my back, I still choose to love him.Because his unwavering devotion to her is the clearest proof ofreal loveI’ve ever seen.The kind I dream of, but know I’ll never have.
His undying dedication to her costs me.It’s tomydetriment.But I would never…never ruin something so pure and unconditional.
“Who allowed you up here?”I ask with deliberate dispassion.“Name, so I can kick their fucking teeth out.”
“Your men did their best, I respect that.But I’m still Pavlov Niiveaux-Byrd.Yourfather.That complicates things for them, doesn’t it?”
“Maybe I should rectify that.Let them know theyareallowed to shoot you.”
He lets out a belly laugh, like that’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.And that familiar deep rumble of mirth almost draws a smile from me.Almost.
“What do you want, Dad?”
“To have a quick word with you.”
“No.I’m busy.”I swipe sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand.“You’re here to collect your pet, yes?”
“If that incorrigible pain-in-the-ass were capable of being anyone’s pet, it would be yours,” he replies with a snort.“Case in point, he’s refusing to leave.Claims he hasn’t seen you since you ‘stormed out’ this morning.”
“That’s on purpose.You can take him and go.”
He frowns.“Are you sure you don’t want to see him before he leaves?Given the terms of—”
“Nope.I’m done with him.”I shrug.“You win.Mom wins.I’m getting better and better at pulling knives out of my back.”
“Soraya, that’s not—”
“No.NO!”I jab a finger in his direction.“Don’t youdaretry to explain this away.You promised me.Youpromisedme!And then you kidnapped him, drugged him over and over, muddled his mind to make him think he didn’t have a choice.That he had to agree to that bullshit.Toleave me.Becausesheneeds to win.And that meansIneed to be unhappy.Because I deserve nothing, right?I deserve nothing good.Not love.Not happiness.Not anything that makes me feel even atinybit human.I deservenothing.”
My voice rattles, but I manage to keep it together.“This is the life you want for me?For me to be miserable?For me to be lonely?Fine.This is the life I’ll live.I’ll retreat to my little corner and build JB her weapons and make her billions and bully nation leaders and do my job as a good little cog in this precious organization.I’ll be her obedient little puppet.Miserable, unloved, and unfavored every step of the way.”I fling both hands at him, shooing him.“Now go.Run along.Tell her the good news.Be.Fucking.Happy.”
A moment ago, his shoulders carried confidence and command.Now, they sag under the weight of hurt and concern.And dammit, I want to run to him and collapse into his arms.But screw him.It’s time to cut the cord.
“Soraya,” he says gently.“Be angry at me.You have every right.But Castello… that man truly loves you.Believe me.You will regret it if you—”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Brimmed to the gills with rage, I yank up my sleeve to expose my AI wrist device.“Take your prize and get off mygoddamnproperty, or I’ll give the order to blow your wife’s precious boy to pieces.Forrealthis time.”
Dad’s jaw tightens at the threat, but he knows better than to push me.He’s seen enough of my follow-through to know I don’t bluff.“Suit yourself.”
With that, he turns and walks away.
Fury swelling like a tidal wave, I whip back around to the sparring line and bark, “Who’s next?”
Someone gets shoved into the ring.
One by one, as if they’re my own personal demons, I take them down.Blow for blow, strike for strike.Until the distant thrum of helicopter blades slices through the air.
He’s gone.
He left me.
The realization hits me so viscerally that I drop to my knees mid-fight, the air punched clean from my lungs.My chest feels like it’s cracking open.This is a new kind of pain.An excruciating, unbearable pain.
I fall forward, face to the mat, fists clenched, shoulders shaking.And…Isob.Long and hard.
Because this is what I deserve.Pain, and nothing.
I deserve nothing.
