“Yeah, I pulled away, put distance between us, but only to see if you were ready. And each and every time you would prove that you aren’t. You wasted no time moving on to the next guy, and then the next guy, and then the next fucking guy. I break my own heart over and over again waiting for you,regalità. You can’t imagine…” He scrubs both hands down his face this time, cursing under his breath. “Tillie, I’ve been waiting for you to givemeyour heart. I’ve been waiting for you to love me like I love you. I’ve been waiting for you to be sick to your stomach at the thought of being with anyone but me. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me you only wantme. Because for me,regina, it’s you. Only you. Always you. I’ve been in love with you since you snuck into that butcher shop, saw what you saw, then looked me in the eyes and asked ifIwas hurt. I chose you right then and there. You keep telling me to choose you, all while failing to realizeyou’rethe one who’s never chosen me.”
Head spinning, I gape at him.
Because,what? “Saint, I chose you. I chose you a long time ago.”
“When?” The scoffing laugh that leaves him sounds almost deranged. “Whendid you choose me,regalità? Last I recall, you told me to fuck off so you can move on with the movie star.That’swho you chose.”
“Don’t yell at me.” My voice is barely a whisper. I chew my lip. “Chase and I…we…we’re not together.”
A wrinkle forms between his brows. “Come again?”
Dammit. What a mess.“We were never dating. I just…made you think we were.”
For an interminable stretch of silence, he stares down at me with searing eyes, like he wants to either strangle me or kiss me to death. “Why? Why, Tillie? Why on earth would you do that?”
“I don’t know. I…” Defeated, I slump back against the car. “Because I didn’t want you to win.”
“Win what?”
“This...” I wave my hands around. “This messed-up game we’ve been playing.”
“You’veneverbeen a game to me, Tillie. Never.”
I drop my face into my hands. What a clusterfuck.
Voice deceptively quiet, he asks, “How long have you been single?”
“Since Creed,” I muffle into my palms. “I had flings here and there when I got bored but played them up as more to make you jealous.”
“You’ve been single for roughly two and a half years? That’s what you’re telling me?”
I can’t look at him. “Mhm.”
“And your last real hookup?”
“The SWAT guy.”
Seizing my wrists, he rips my hands from my face, forcing me to look at his thermonuclear ire. “That’s at least fourteenmonths ago, Tillie.”
All I manage is a nod.
He mutters a curse.
Walks away from me.
Abruptly, he stops and drops to his knees.
I start to go to him but then decide against it and lean back against the car, giving him the time he needs.
He remains like that for several minutes before he straightens up, turns, and strides back to me. Looking as emotionally ruined as I feel. “You’re telling me you’ve been lying to me all this time and somehowI’mthe one playing games?I’mthe one messing with your head?I’mthe one fucking with your emotions?”
“I—”
“Just…what the fuck, Tillie? Why would you—”
“Because loving youhurts, Saint! I lied because I didn’t believe you’d ever choose me. And accepting that belief was a virus breaking me down from the inside. Because I’m in love with you. Because there’sno oneI want to be with but you. Because everything feelsrightwith you. Because every time I’ve ever felt safe, or warm, or blissfully at peace, it’s when I’m with you. Because you smell like home and taste like forever. No one else makes me feel the way you make me feel. But when you leave me, all of that becomespain. Unending, unbearable pain. So yes, I lied. I lied to protect my heart.”
“Regina…”
