Left the gate wide open for that one, didn't I?
I don't talk about my mom. Never. Not even to Cookie. Although we're in a good place now, the pain and abandonment I felt when I watched her drive off and leave me behind are still real. I'm still that sad little boy, standing on our patchy lawn in Baker, watching my mama leave.
That said, Iwantthis woman. I want more than just her curves and warmth in my bed. Leaving the door open for questions like this was unintentional, but now that it’s open, there’s no way to slam it shut without losing the chance to connect with her. So, I answer, "Yeah."
"How old were you?"
"Eight."
Her mouth dips down at the corners. "I'm sorry."
I wave her off. "It's fine. Back then I was angry, yeah, but then I grew up, understood why she did it. Still sucks that she left, but I get it now, you know."
"Did she come back?"
"Nah. Lives in Germany now with her husband and my little sisters."
Her face brightens. "You have siblings? How old?"
A smile tugs at my lips as I think of my two angel-brats. How fortunate they are to grow up in a wholesome household and see what a healthy relationship looks like. "Seven and nine."
"I bet they worship you," she says. "They’ve got no idea the kind of devil you are."
"You're the only one who thinks I'm the devil.” I reach out and flick her long, escapee lock and she swats me off. “If you actually tried to get to know me, you’d see I'm not that bad."
She snorts. "Oh, I already know."
"Whatdoyou know?” I demand. “Tell me."
She pretends not to hear me, because she’s got nothing. Shedoesn'tknow me. It's just easier for her to convince herself that I'm a bad guy.
"I like to eat peanut butter straight from the jar," I tell her. "I love taking long rides, going on long runs, and reading long books. I love to laugh—though I haven't done much of it in the last two years. I'm in love with Germany, especially that quiet little town in Nürnberg where Mom lives, and I’m thinking about moving there one day.
“I would move mountains for my friends—most of whom you met last Sunday. My favorite meal is crab and mushroom fettuccine alfredo—so you better know how to cook it. My favorite band is Blue October, and my favorite song isWay Downby Kaleo.
“I sleep naked. I free-ball ninety percent of the time. Lily and Lola—my little sisters—are my everything, same goes for the rude fuckers who crashed your niece’s party. Never thought about having kids of my own ‘cause I never even planned on a girlfriend let alone settling down." I reach over and pinch her chin. “Until I met you, that is."
She's quiet for a while, processing, as the cake mixer whips the batter at high velocity.
"You love tolaugh?" She half laughs, half snorts. "That's funny."
Only because she didn't know me back when I wasme. When I was alive. When life was different and I lived in a bubble. Until that bubble burst with a violent and resounding pop. Nothing has been the same since. The me I used to be is out there somewhere, floating in the ether, and I’ve got no idea how to find him again.
"Tell me about this whole black guy, red hair thing you've got going on," she says when I don’t acknowledge her comment. "You know you look like crazy unique, right? You stand out wherever you go."
I shrug. "Well, I'm half and half, obviously. African American mom, Caucasian dad…his red hair, her kinky curls… The freckles are all me, though. Pigmentation aberration."
Biting one corner of her lip, she admits, "They're my favorite part of you."
“Nuh-uh.” I pull her close." You can't have a favorite already when you haven't seen—or felt—every part of me."
Her nostrils flare, not from ire but desire. Again, she pushes me away. "Listen, you said you’d help, but you're not helping. You’redistracting. So either you start helping or get the hell out.”
Frustration emanates from her pores. But I know it's not at me; it's at herself for wanting me.
"At your service, Sweet P.” I step away to wash my hands. After drying them, I grab a pair of gloves and tug them on as I return to the station, letting the latex snap on purpose as I ask, “Where do you want me?"
"You can start by coating these pans right here."
