“I’m sorry, Sweetness. I?—”
The moment that word—Sweetness—slipped from my lips, I watched something break inside her. Those dark eyes filled with tears, and before I could even process what was happening, her knees buckled.
I lunged forward, catching her before she could hit the floor. “Whoa!” The familiar feel of her in my arms sent electricity through my whole body as I lowered us both to sit on the carpet of the nursery.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I started, thinking I’d fucked up again. But she was already shaking her head, her fingers clutching desperately at my shirt as sobs wracked her body. The sound gutted me. Elena—my strong, fierce Elena—completely falling apart in my arms.
“Shhh, I’ve got you,” I murmured, one hand cradling the back of her head while the other wrapped protectively around her waist. She smelled the same and the dark hair under my cheek felt as silky smooth as ever. Her crying only intensified, each sob like a knife to my chest.
“It’s j-just hormones,” she choked out between gaspingbreaths. “The pregnancy... it makes everything...” She couldn’t even finish the lie, dissolving into deeper sobs against my chest.
Yeah, right. Hormones.Like I couldn’t feel the desperate way her fingers were clutching my shirt, like I couldn’t read the months of loneliness in every shuddering breath.
“I know, Sweetness,” I whispered into her hair, feeling her shudder against me at the word. “I know.”
We sat there on the floor of that pink nursery, Elena curled into my lap while months of pent-up emotion poured out of her. I stroked steady circles on her back, my heart pounding so hard I was sure she could feel it where she pressed against my chest. I didn’t try to quiet her or tell her everything would be okay—we both knew better than that kind of bullshit. I just held her, trying to be the steady anchor she needed while she fell apart.
When her sobs finally quieted to hiccupping breaths, I pressed my lips to her temple, breathing her in. “I shouldn’t have said what I did about...” My voice trailed off as my hand drifted to where her belly pressed against me. The reminder of everything still hanging between us.
She shook her head against my chest, and I could feel the tension returning to her body. Not ready for that conversation. Not yet.
“Just... just hold me?” she whispered, her voice raw. “Please?”
I pulled her closer, tucking her head under my chin where she fit perfectly, like she always had. “As long as you need, Sweetness,” I murmured, meaning it with every fiber of my being. “As long as you need.”
“Elena, baby.”I kept my voice soft, not wanting to startle her. “Promise me you’ll set the security system after I leave.”
She nodded, already half-asleep, dark lashes fanned against tear-stained cheeks. I’d learned that Andy had helped install the system last month—another thing I should have been here to do for her. Another way I’d failed her while I was getting my shit together at Harbor Hall.
“I mean it.” I brushed a strand of hair from her forehead, memorizing the feel of her skin under my fingertips. “Set it as soon as I’m gone.”
My fingers trembled as I forced them away from her face. The gentle swell of her belly was visible even under the covers, and Christ, the sight of it hit me like a punch to the gut every single time. My child could be in there. My daughter. The keys felt like lead in my pocket as I backed toward the door, fighting against the magnetic pull drawing me back to her side. Just one more touch, one more moment—but no. That path led straight to relapse.
The blast of December air hit me as I stepped outside, but I waited on her porch until I heard the definitive click of the security system engaging. Only then did I let myself move toward my truck, each step feeling like I was dragging concrete blocks.
The dashboard clock read 1:17 a.m. I gripped the steering wheel, staring at the golden glow from her bedroom window until it disappeared. Three liquor stores between here and home would still be open. I knew their locations like I knew my own name—Miller’s on Fourth, Pete’s Package Store by thehighway, the one and only gas station in town. My hands shook as I pulled out my three-month sobriety chip, running my thumb over its smooth surface.
“One day at a time,” I muttered, shoving the truck into drive before I could change my mind.
The house was dark when I pulled in, but Mom had left the porch light on. She always did, even when I was a teenager sneaking in past curfew. I eased the front door open, wincing at the familiar creak of the third floorboard.
“Chase?” Mom’s voice drifted down from upstairs. Of course, she was still awake.
“Yeah, Mom. Go back to sleep.”
“There’s leftover lasagna if you’re hungry, honey.”
My throat tightened. Three months in rehab and she still couldn’t break the habit of trying to feed me. “Thanks, Mom. I’m good.”
My childhood bedroom felt smaller than ever, vintageStar Warsposters watching as I collapsed onto the twin bed that hadn’t fit me since middle school. My feet hung off the end, but the discomfort felt appropriate somehow—another reminder of all the ways I needed to grow up, to be better. For Elena. For our maybe-baby.
I lay there in the dark, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars I’d stuck to the ceiling when I was ten, wondering if Elena had fallen back asleep. Wondering if she was dreaming about me the way I always dreamed about her.
Chapter Seventeen
ELENA
Then, March 2024
