“I have a proposition for you, actually,” I say, even as nausea rolls through me.
“What?” Fia asks, studying the seashells near her shoes.
I steel myself. I came here without a real plan, just knowing I had to clean up this mess and help Fia, but now it’s become evident that there’s only one plan that makes sense.
“I think you should move to Raleigh. Like move in with me.”
Fia’s eyes snap up.
“I have a large spare room with its own bathroom,” I say, hurrying through my words. ”You wouldn’t have to pay rent, you wouldn’t need a car, and my condo building is new and safe. I could help you find a good job in the city, so you can afford daycare and—”
“Wow…” She cuts me off, twirling the toe of her white sneaker in the sand, avoiding eye contact. “That’s extremely generous of you, Penny…but I can’t just leave.”
“Why not?”
It’s the ideal solution. No one is going to come to save her, and I’m offering an olive branch.
The wind blows a lock of red hair into Fia’s eyes, and she tucks it behind her ear, shrugging. “Jesse paid me rent in advance, I can’t kick him out now.”
My heart rate mimics the white-capped waves pounding the shore, but I ball my fists and try to reason with her.
“So give him it back,” I snap, shoving my fists into the deep pockets of my wool coat. “He can find a new place, he’s a grown man.”
“I’d never do that to him!” Fia gapes at me. She’s too kind, too delicate.
I bite my tongue so I don’t say everything else I think about him. Like that she can toss him out on the damn street for all I care.
“Plus, I don’t want Danny living in a halfway house when he gets out. I want him to move into the family home.”
Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.
Sure, invite the brother who literally ignored you and ruined this family back in. Where is my sister’s logic?
“This isn’tFull House,” I stutter, feeling like I’m losing my grip more and more with my sister. “You have a baby on the way, you need to stop thinking about Danny and Jesse and think about what’s best for you. Be selfish for a moment!” I pull back, realizing I’m nearly yelling.
Fia pauses to study me, her green eyes far away. “Being selfish doesn’t come easily to everyone.”
“What does that mean?” I know exactly what it means, but Iwanther to say it.
Fia looks out over the white-capped waves, her eyes glassy. “I just mean…you left when you were eighteen and never looked back. You forgot all about us. It was easy for you. But some of us can’t let go like that.” She flaps her arms at her sides and turns, walking away before I can reply.
I stare at the water, unblinking, numb.
Being selfish was the only way I was going to survive. Nothing about leaving was easy, but she’ll never understand that.
Christmas music plays on the radio, but there’s a serious lack of cheer between Fia and me as we drive back toward town. I brushed her comment under the metaphorical rug, because I’m not getting anywhere with her with this approach ofbig sister knows best. So I bribe her with something I know she can’t resist.
I glance over at my sister with her pink cheeks and hair falling out of her braid. She sits stiffly in her seat.
“Hey, we need to get sweaters.”
“I’m not really up for that this year,” Fia responds glumly.
“Come on, it’s tradition, Fi. You look forward to it every year.” We stop at the light, and I swivel toward her, but she keeps her eyes focused on anything but me. “Don’t you want to have a photo to show the baby one day of their pregnant mom in an ugly sweater?”
I’m trying.
Her green eyes brighten, lips struggling to fight back a smile.
