That’s what he said. But where ishere?
I can’t plan this. I can’t lay out a perfect schedule of healing, of how Danny is going to reintegrate into our mess. I can’t map out what happens when Fia’s baby arrives, or when Jesse decides to stay, or when I have to pack up and return to the life I left on pause.
I don’t know what any of it means.
I sit in the car, oscillating between being completely numb and feeling too much, but I reach for my purse in the glovebox, knowing I can’t sit here all evening.
Three missed calls from Jesse light up my screen. And a text.
Jesse:Call me ASAP
My heart plummets, and my fingers fumble as I attempt to dial him back. It takes three tries before the call connects. I start the car, click my buckle, and count my ragged breaths.
Every worst-case scenario flashes before my eyes.
“Pick up, Jesse, come on.” My palm presses into the steering wheel as I peel out of the lot. On the final ring, he answers—winded, like he just sprinted to the phone.
“Jesse, what’s going on?” My voice cracks as the sky opens and rain starts to fall, sharp and cold.
“Penny, are you driving?”
His question knocks me off balance. “Yes, of course, I am! And you’re scaring me. Is Fia okay?” Dread pools in my stomach. Tank?Oh god, what if something happened to precious Tank?
“First, slow down. And I mean the car, too.” I hate how calm his voice suddenly is.
I glance at the speedometer and release my lead foot from the pedal. He knows me too well.
There are muffled voices in the background.
“Listen, I’m at Coastal Way Hospital, in the emergency room.”
I go to open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
“I came home about thirty minutes ago and found Fia passed out in the kitchen. She regained consciousness in the ambulance and is back with the doctor now.”
The car suddenly feels too small, the air thick and unbreathable. The pine trees blur past, enclosing me in a tunnel of green.
“Penny, talk to me,” Jesse says, sharp and grounded.
“What… Is she…” I can’t form a coherent thought. I shouldn’t have left, I should’ve stayed home. She was looking pale after breakfast, she didn’t even touch her french toast. I should have rescheduled with Danny.
Oh my god. The baby.
“Breathe, Penny. I’m here,” he says again.
I try, but the sound of my own breathing is jagged, desperate.
Jesse keeps talking. “She’s going to be okay. Do you hear me, Penny?”
“You don’t know that.” My chest is a fist closing tighter by the second.
I can’t speak. Tears stream down my cheeks, tracing the same path as the rain sliding across the windshield.
“Idoknow it. Because Fia is just like you. She’s a fighter.”
I nod instinctively, forgetting he can’t see me.
39
