He typed out a reply. She is here and will be fine. I am just making her some tea and then she will be back. Please tell Isobel that she is okay and I will look after her. X
He had pressed send before he realised he’d added a X. Whoops.
Okay. Thanks so much. We appreciate this. Rosie xx
‘It’s not every day you find out who your dad is,’ said Luke, setting down a cup of tea on the small table next to Bella. He could see the vulnerability on her face and it was the same look he had seen in the bar at Troon that day, when she had confronted him.
She nodded. ‘I guess not. Although it’s not as much of a shock as I expected. It makes sense.’
Luke waited for her to elaborate.
She clasped her hands around the mug and looked at him. ‘Ash is my dad.’
‘Oh,’ said Luke, trying not to look surprised. He was not expecting Bella to say that. ‘I see. I just kind of assumed that Ash was a woman. Just shows you should never make assumptions or jump to conclusions.’ He raised an eyebrow at her.
That made Bella chuckle and he was pleased to see a smile brighten up her face. ‘I guess thinking he was a woman is an easy assumption to make. He was always part of the girl gang with Rosie and my mum. I suppose it was an even bigger shock as he is gay.’
Luke nodded solemnly. ‘Does it change anything? In terms of the way you feel about him. I get the sense he is someone who has always been in your life. Is that right?’
Bella nodded. ‘Yes, he has always been part of our family, just like Rosie has been. When I think of my childhood, I don’t think I lacked in anything. I suppose it would have been nice to have a dad but plenty of kids in my class at school only had one parent and those who did have a dad often didn’t like him anyway. My mum was always there for me and I had my gran. And when I think about it, Ash was always there too. He made the effort to visit when he came back to Scotland and would call a lot. And he never forgot my birthday or Christmas. When I think about it, I was really lucky that I didn’t have a dad who I thought was a dick.’
Luke nodded kindly as he listened. He knew so many men who were absent fathers and had nothing to do with their kids. The fact that Ash was here right now and had been so involved and made time to visit her over the years, despite the distance, had to be a good thing for Bella. She had always had her dad in her life, but just didn’t know. ‘So, does knowing about the biological link with him change things now? Does it change the way you feel about him?’
She looked at him thoughtfully. ‘Not at all. I’ve always felt connected to him. He’s always been there for family stuff, like an uncle, and has made a lot of effort to be part of my life. I just always thought my dad had been some random one-off. That’s what mum had always told me and I believed her until I found Rosie’s journal.’
Luke felt his cheeks colour as he thought of Rosie and her secret diary of their tryst.
‘As it turns out she wasn’t being entirely untruthful. Hewasa one-night stand. But at least mum knew who he was. He wasn’t just some random guy she had picked up in a nightclub. In a way that probably feels better. I can stop scanning random men’s faces in crowds, wondering if theymightbe my dad. Or ambushing poor men like you and jumping to the wrong conclusion.’ She gave him a sheepish smile. ‘Now I feel like I know where I came from and where I belong. Does that make sense? Sorry, Luke, I am rambling.’
Luke nodded. ‘Absolutely that makes sense and it’s a lot to get your head around, Bella. It’s good you’re able to talk about it though. I think it’s normal to want to know where you belong and who you belong to. But in the short time that I have known you it’s always been clear that your mum is utterly devoted to you, as is Rosie.’ He drank some tea. ‘Life can change in an instant, Bella. And we never know what might happen,’ he said, thinking about yesterday’s call with Linda. ‘I know it’s a lot toprocess. But it sounds like your mum did the very best she could, especially as she knew she could never have a future together with Ash. It must also have been difficult when he was living in Australia.’
‘And gay. Let’s not forget that,’ added Bella, rolling her eyes. ‘You know, Ash has been the closest thing I’ve had to a dad over the years and the main older male figure in my life. I know I’m lucky to be able to say that about him, especially when I think about some of my friend’s parents. My friend Lily’s dad is an alcoholic, and look at Ben — his dad was an adulterer!’
Luke winced as he thought about his own sons and the fact their mother was also in that camp. Then he momentarily found his thoughts drifting again to Rosie.
‘Ash has always been kind, considerate and funny,’ continued Bella, ‘and he’s always been there for me. Perhaps not geographically but certainly at the end of the phone. How many people can say that about their dad?’ She sat for a moment, lost in her own thoughts, then uncurled her feet and put the mug on the table. ‘Thanks, Luke. That chat has really helped me figure stuff out. You should be a counsellor or something . . .’
Luke grinned at her. ‘Mm, that may be a step too far.’ But her whole demeanour had changed in the time that she had sat in the cottage. She looked lighter and less tense.
‘You’re right, though. I can’t change the past and there’s no point in blaming them for what they did. Who would have chosen to be in that position? Mum wasn’t that much older than I am now. I can’t even begin to imagine how she must have felt. Or what I would do if I was in her shoes. It must have been really hard for her.’ She stood up and shrugged off Luke’s jacket and handed it to him. ‘Thank you, Luke. I’d better go next door and tell them to stop fretting.’ And then her stomach rumbled loudly. She laughed. ‘Whoops.’
‘Can I get you some breakfast before you go,’ he said. ‘I can make eggs on toast?’
She shook her head and quickly hugged him. ‘Thanks, but no, you’re alright. Rosie said she would make pancakes this morning and I didn’t eat any dinner last night. I felt too sick. But now I am famished.’ She hurried to the door and pulled on her shoes. ‘Wait, do you want to come as well? I’m sure Rosie would love to see you.’
Much as Luke would have loved to see Rosie, he knew it wasn’t appropriate right now. They needed their space to talk all of this through. He reminded himself that his feelings for Rosie were growing more intense by the day and he was now in dangerous territory. Because Luke knew he would have to head back to London, sooner rather than later.
Chapter Thirty-Five
After spending the next two days with her mum and Ash, Bella headed back to Brodick feeling much happier than she thought possible. The three of them had had a lot of heartfelt conversations and there had been much soul searching. However, Bella was now starting to accept the truth. Sure, she was still processing it all. It was a lot to get her head around. But it all made sense. She couldn’t quite believe she finally knew who her dad was. After all these years.
She also realised that she couldn’t wait to tell Ben. She had sent him a few messages to let him know that the oldies were all fine and that she had some news but she would give him a full debrief when she was back in Brodick and away from prying ears. He kept asking after his mum and whether she was okay and Bella reassured him that she was fine. She wondered if he had suspected anything about Luke. Although, she had no idea how he would know, unless Rosie had said anything to him, which she wouldn’t imagine she had. Rosie’s cottage was cosy but small, especially with the four of them staying there, and it was tricky to find a quiet spot to call him. The mobile reception on the beach wasn’t great either, otherwise she would have tried to phone him from there. She was looking forward to catching up with him when she was back in the privacy of her staff room. Even better, she hoped they might be able to connect in person. Ben had asked to meet her during his break later.
Her mum offered to take her back to the hotel and Ash insisted on coming too. He was keen to spend every minute he could with her, as though he was making up for lost time. Bella had rather sternly pleaded with him not to start acting differently towards her. He had agreed but also insisted on staying on in Arran for a few more days. He wasn’t due to go back to Australia for another two weeks. Instead of heading tothe mainland as he’d originally planned, to catch up with friends in Edinburgh and London, he had postponed and booked into a guesthouse in Brodick. Isobel was going to take him there after they had dropped off Bella.
‘Are you still heading home tomorrow, Mum?’ she had asked when they pulled into the hotel car park.
Her mum looked tired, although it was no wonder. It had been an emotional time and not exactly the holiday she had planned for. More like a summer of secrets that you would expect to read about in a book.
