“It’s not your fault. I am solely responsible for my actions. Everything from keeping things from you to how I handled your disappearance. But to be honest, if you went missing again, I’d go just as crazy, and everyone would be a suspect.”
“I understand. I promise I won’t ever leave without an explanation ever again. I didn’t realize how complex everything is,” I vow.
“It’s not always safe, Cecilia. I will protect you as much as I can. But you have to understand, I’m a dangerous man. I have many enemies. I’ve gone after so many people. You being my wife innately puts you in danger. It can’t be helped, I’m sorry. I will always keep you safe, but you have to trust me and listen to me. Do you understand?” The fear in his eyes terrifies me.
“I understand.”
And I do. He lives a dangerous life, but he’ll always protect me.
He looks devastated by the conversation. He has no idea what I’m thinking. And honestly, neither do I. I need time to think about this.
But still, I climb into his lap. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close. I melt into him. He kisses my hair and rubs my back, keeping me comfortable.
“I love you, Cecilia.” His voice breaks.
“I need time, Roman,” I whisper, upset that I can’t give him more. Not after what I’ve learned. Not after what he’s done.
“I know,” he whispers again. “If you need space, I can get you an apartment. If you want your job back, I’ll make it happen. If you… if you want an annulment, I’ll do it. Fuck, I’ll help you get the tattoos removed. I’ll get you on birth control. I’ll do anything if you just give me a chance to win you back. Let me undo my mistakes. Let me make it up to you,” he begs.
I lean back to look in his eyes and am surprised by the tears welling.
“Do you mean that?” I ask, needing to gage his sincerity.
“I hate it. I hate everything I’ve offered you. I don’t want space. I don’t want to end our marriage. I don’t want to lose you. I just want you to be happy with me. But I know I fucked up. I did it all to get you, but it backfired and now I’m losing you. If giving you freedom will make you happy, then I’ll give it to you. It’ll crush me. Destroy me. But for your happiness, I’d do anything. Just please give me a chance. Once I right all my wrongs, let me earn you back. Please, just give me a chance. I’ll never be happy without you,” he says with a tremor in his voice.
I’m taken aback. This is the first real conversation I’ve had with my héroe where he’s shown true remorse, and now, he’s offering me my freedom. I’ve seen so much of the Monster Montclair. But here’s the man I love offering me everything I should want.
And it hurts more than anything.
The thought of ending things, of leaving him, creates a pit in my stomach. I know I should want to get away from him. I should hate him. I should take him up on his offer and never look back.
But I can’t even entertain the idea because it makes me ill.
“I don’t know,” is all I can say.
Because I can’t bring myself to forgive him, not yet. But I also can’t leave him. It’d be like leaving my heart.
“Okay, sunshine. You have all the time in the world,” he whispers into my hair.
Then we lapse into silence.
In his arms is where all is right in the world, while so much is wrong in our world.
Deep down, I know what I’ve chosen, I just need time to accept it.
Chapter 87
Roman
I look down to see Matthias calling me.
I’ve been avoiding my family since reuniting with Cecilia. When I told them she ran away, they were furious. Not only because I almost started a war, but mostly because they love her, and I drove her away.
“Hey, Matthias. What’s up?” I greet him dryly, already wanting to get off the call.
“‘What’s up?’ What the hell do you mean, ‘what’s up?’ I’m getting married in two days, and you’ve been MIA since Cecilia came back. What the fuck?” he snaps at me.
Oh shit.I completely forgot about their wedding.
