“But we’re not happy right now,” I argue weakly.
“I am. I have you back. My sunshine is home, safe and healthy. It’s more than I could hope for. We’re going to be a family.” He smiles so brightly that I can’t help but join in.
When he raises my legs, letting gravity help, I realize what this really is.
I kick him and scurry away, trying not to care that I hit his face.
“What the hell, Cecilia?” he grunts out, grabbing his cheek.
I scurry across the bed, then across the room.
“No! You can’t do this! I won’t let you!” I cry out, betrayed once again.
“What are you saying? This is what we planned. This is what we wanted.” he retorts.
“No! You can’t use my dreams against me. I won’t let you manipulate me in this way. I won’t have a baby with you. Not with the man I hate.” I shout at him as tears stream down my face, and my already broken heart fractures more.
“Cecilia, you know that’s not what this is. I’m just trying to get us back on track to live out our dreams,” he says calmly, trying to convince me.
But we both know it’s not the full truth.
He just admitted it. He knows I won’t leave him if I’m pregnant. I would never take my baby away from a loving father.
“You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made,” I whisper, knowing it’s the truest statement and simultaneously the biggest lie I’ve ever told.
He’s my damnation and salvation.
His face crumples at my words. He opens his mouth to respond, but I flee to the bathroom and lock the door. I can’t hear him out. I won’t give him the chance to manipulate me with sweet words and kind gestures.
I feel the liquid dripping down my inner thighs, and I turn on the shower and try to get it all out of me.
As tears stream down my face, and sobs echo from my throat.
Because despite his intentions, this is our dream. Our dream future of our home overflowing with our children. And I want nothing more than to have it.
But not like this.
And I hate him for making me say no to it. For ruining what was once the happiest I’ve ever been. For making me fight against my dream. And for making me fight him too.
The whole time, he’s trying to soothe me through the bathroom door.
I’m sure he could easily get through the lock, but he doesn’t. And I’m grateful for that. Because despite being the only one who can calm me down, he’s also the only one who can hurt me this way.
And that’s what makes the pain so much worse.
How could I ever forgive him?
But how could I not?
How could I live without him?
How could I live with him knowing how he manipulated me?
Chapter 84
Roman
Her words break me.
