Because mark my words.
I will find my sunshine.
I will save her.
And I will avenge her.
Nothing can stop me.
Chapter 74
Cecilia
“Emily dear, what’s on your mind? You’ve passed dicing and now are just mutilating that onion.” Mr. Banks says with a concerned sigh.
“Sorry. I’m just lost in thought.” I put down the knife and face him. “Do you ever… do you ever miss something that’s bad for you? Something you know you shouldn’t? Something you know you can’t have, but you want more than your next breath?” I ask, needing to share in my misery. I can’t stop missing Roman, and it’s killing me.
After a long pause, Mr. Banks answers.
“I was an alcoholic for fifteen years. It’s why my kids don’t visit me. I was a horrible father to them. For the longest time after I got sober, I would crave a sip. That self-control to say no is why I’m where I am today. Alive and finally happy. You just have to keep saying no,” he tells me, and I can tell he thinks I’m struggling with an addiction.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” I whisper.
“It’s okay, dear. I’m better now. Happier,” he says with a sigh. “I just miss my kids. But what I put them through was unforgiveable. I was terrible to them. They came second to my addiction. I forgot about them. Stole from them. Even manipulated them on occasions. Being sober for decades hasn’t been enough penance. I know my son has children, and it breaks my heart that I have grandchildren I’ll never know,” he says sadly.
“Mr. Banks, I think your remorse shows that you are ready. I think you should reach out,” I tell him, the little piece of Cecilia still in me believes in forgiveness and second chances. “You’re a changed man. That has to count for something.”
“Have you ever had someone wrong you? Do you think there are any actions that simply can’t be forgiven?” His eyes swing to the engagement ring hanging in front of my shirt with a raised brow.
“It’s different. What he did… what he did was unforgiveable. He lied to me. Hid so much. He manipulated me in unimaginable ways. I don’t even know the man I fell in love with. I don’t think he ever truly existed. And I was a fool to believe him,” I sigh and turn back to chopping.
“Yet you still wear his ring,” Mr. Banks counters.
“I still love him. It’s stupid. The man I fell in love with is a farce. A façade. He isn’t real. But he was my everything. And he’s left me a shell of a person.” A tear slips down my cheek, and I suck in a breath.
“Is love enough? You say my children should forgive me for the same offenses, but you can’t forgive your husband?” he sighs, and I can tell this conversation is as much about him as it is about me.
“It’s different with Roman. He’s a monster. And I don’t think he regrets what he did. You do. You’d beg forforgiveness,” I turn, facing him. Trying to get him to understand.
“Did he ever hurt you? Threaten you? Were you ever in danger because of him? If so, then you’re wrong, it isn’t different.” He looks down shamefully. “Because I did. I hit my sons when they stood between me and my fix. And no matter how much I regret it, nor how much I’ve changed, I’m not sure I have a right to ask for forgiveness. Even after decades of soberness.”
I’m quiet for a minute, processing his confession. I can’t connect the kind old man to the abusive drunk he claims to have been.
“He never hurt me. I was never afraid of him. But he did hurt others and hide it from me.” I look down before steeling my gaze. “I once believed everyone deserved a second chance. That if someone is capable of change, they’ve earned forgiveness.”
“And what do you believe now? Now that he’s wronged you, what do you think?” I can hear the desperation in his voice.
“I think you should reach out to your sons. You should at least try to connect. Even if they don’t accept it, you can still offer your forgiveness. And maybe you’ll be reunited with them and meet your grandchildren,” I say truthfully.
“Then I think when your husband finds you, because there’s no way he isn’t looking, that you should at least hear him out. He loves you, right?” Mr. Banks asks.
I nod because that’s the one thing I can’t refute.
“He loved me so much he did unimaginable things to keep me,” I confess, keeping the details to myself.
“Then at least hear him out. Men do crazy things for the people they love.The things they love.”He shakes his head as he remembers the crazy things he did for his addiction. “At leastfor me, give him the grace you want my sons to give me. At least listen,” he begs.
I just nod again, unable to make any promises.
