I sighed when I searched, even adding our hometown to his name and Seattle, but no such luck. Cove still didn’t have a social media account. I even checked the other platforms, but I still didn’t have any luck.
I huffed and set my phone down, leaning my head back to stare up at the ceiling.
Why was I like this? I had managed not to think about Cove for almost a year. It took me my entire freshman year of college to finally get it through my skull that I would never have a chance with Cove and to move on.
But now that I’d laid eyes on him again, I was a fucking goner all over again.
The oven beeped, and I quickly stood from the couch, heading into the kitchen to pull the casserole out of the oven. I set it aside to cool and went to go put my socks and shoes on. By the time I had myself together and my blonde hair tamed, the casserole dish was cooled. I covered it with aluminum foil, grabbed it from the counter, and then headed to the door to go try to make amends with Cove.
I knocked on the door and waited, and after waiting a minute with no answer, I knocked again.
Still nothing.
I frowned. Was he sleeping? Did he just not hear me knocking?
What if something was wrong?
Fear gripped my chest, and this time, I banged my fist on the door, calling his name. The door flew open just as I got ready to start banging on it again.
My eyes widened at the sight of Cove, who was also staring at me in shock. He was wearing fuzzy, footie pajamas with the hood pulled up, clutching a stuffed bear in his arms. He stared at me warily, unsure of what to make of me standing on the other side of his door.
“Cove?” I asked quietly. He swallowed nervously. “Can I come in?”
He continued staring at me for a moment, but then, he took a step back, allowing me inside. His apartment was a replica of mine, so I easily found my way into the kitchen, where I set the casserole dish. Then, I went back out into the living room. The door was shut, but he was still standing in the same spot I’d left him in, still clutching at that bear.
“Hey,” I said softly, “you okay?”
He shrugged. “What are you doing here?” he asked me.
I rubbed my sweaty palms on my pants, drawing in a deep breath. “I, um, I wanted to make amends and apologize for all the hell I put you through while we were in school.”
His eyes widened. I knew he didn’t believe me. I mean, what reason had I ever given him to trust me? I’d been a bully. I didn’t deserve this kind of chance, but I was going to beg for one anyway. Especially when he seemed so lost and broken and torn apart inside.
“Why?” he asked me quietly. “Why now? Why after all these years? Langston, you didn’t even realize I’ve lived across the hall from you since you moved in.”
Guilt swallowed me up. Fuck, I was a grade-A douchebag.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry for being such a douchebag to you. I’m sorry for making your life hell. And I’m sorry for being so fucking clueless.” I took a step closer to him, pushing my fingers through my hair. “Cove, please. I know I don’t deserve this chance, but I promise I’m going to be better. I promise I’m not going to fuck this up.”
He tightened his arms tighter around his bear, seeming to curl in on himself. “Please don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he whispered.
My heart broke, and it had no business breaking in the first place. The only person in this room who should even be allowed to be sad was Cove.
“Cove—”
He looked back up at me with teary, blue eyes, the sadness in them more profound than ever, and it fucking gutted me. I quickly moved toward him and wrapped him up in my arms, cradling the back of his head with one hand and curling my other arm around him. He began to full-out cry, sobs ripping from his chest.
“Baby, please don’t cry,” I begged him, the term of endearment slipping from my lips before I could stop it. “You’re killing me, sweetness. I don’t like to see you cry.”
He hiccuped. Gripping him beneath his thighs, I lifted him up and carried him over to the couch, settling down with him straddling my lap. I clutched him to me, whispering soft, soothing words into his ear as he let out everything he was feeling, soaking my shirt.
But I didn’t care. I’d let him cry on me, even if his tears drowned me.
“I’m here, baby. It’s okay. I promise I’ll make everything right again, you hear me?” I brushed my lips to his damp cheeks before grasping his face in my hands, forcing him to lock his eyes on mine. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re not alone.”
He hiccuped and sniffled before nodding and burrowing his face back in my chest. I clutched him to me, and just silently continued to hold him.
It wasn’t going to be easy to fix all the damage I’d done over the years. It wouldn’t be easy to help him heal, either. But I was determined.
