He burrowed his face against my chest. I held him for a while, and then I released him to start the shower. He let me undress him—our usual routine—and then he undressed me with his shaking hands, pressing tender little kisses to my skin as he did so.
“Thank you for loving me through all the bad parts, Langston,” he said softly once he tossed my briefs into the hamper.
I hooked my finger beneath his chin and tilted his head up so he was forced to look at me. “I’ll always love you, Cove, and on the days you feel unloveable, I’ll love you even more.”
Cove
Heather gently wrapped me in a hug, the subtle scent of her comforting perfume wrapping around me. “I was so worried about you, Cove.” I swallowed thickly, feeling extremely guilty. I’d never meant to worry anyone. I guessed I wasn’t used to having people give a damn about me yet. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Today was just a crappy day. I had trouble getting out of bed.”
She led me to her office and pushed open the door. I silently stepped inside and took a seat on the couch. “That’s what I’m here for, Cove. I’m here for those really bad days. We need to learn to work through them together so you can work through them on your own in the future.”
I nodded, twisting my fingers together in my lap. “Nothing even happened,” I said quietly. I looked up at her. She was sitting in her chair now, her legs crossed in front of her. “Why do I feel like this sometimes without anything even happening?”
She tapped her temple. “Those pesky little chemical imbalances in our brains, Cove. They can really make things difficult some days. Even I have my bad days. It doesn’t mean my medication isn’t working, and it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with me. I’m just different. You’re different. We’re all different, and that’s okay. It’s how we deal with that different part of us that truly counts.”
“And how do I do that?” I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat. “I don’t want to scare Langston like that again. It—he?—”
I’d never forget the look on his face for as long as I lived. I never wanted to see him that frightened again.
“He looked like he’d lost you, didn’t he?” she quietly asked me, understanding lingering in her eyes. I nodded. “When I used to block out my wife like that because I just felt like I couldn’t deal with her or anything, she used to look at me like that, too. And they’re not judging us, Cove. They just love us so much that the mere thought of losing us cripples them.”
Tears blurred my vision. “I never thought someone could love me that much,” I croaked.
“Me neither, Cove. But that love—it’s a beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime thing. Don’t ever let that go, you hear me? Because even when the going gets so tough that you’re not sure if you’ll ever make it out alive, Langston will drag you through it if he has to just so you can both stand on the other side of it together, just a little bit stronger than you were yesterday.”
I sniffled. “So how do I work through it?” I asked softly.
“Do you like rewards, Cove?”
I flushed, thinking of Langston and his praise. I nodded. She smiled. “Then on days like today, even though it’s so hard, I want you to reward yourself for everything you do. If you make it out of bed, do something for yourself that makes you happy. If you manage to shower, reward yourself. And I’m sure Langston would love to help, too, so let him, yeah? On these bad days, I want you to focus on self-care. Do things that make you happy and make you feel a little bit better. Can you do that for me?”
I nodded. She leaned forward and patted my knee. “Good. It’s tough right now, Cove, but it will get easier. I promise.”
Chapter Seven
Cove
Dear Diary,
* * *
I can’t believe I already filled up the last notebook that Langston bought me. It’s crazy to think of how far I’ve come in the past few months. I haven’t had to call out of work in almost two months. I’m eating more and gaining weight. Just yesterday, Langston took me shopping to get new clothes because my old ones were getting too tight and uncomfortable to wear.
* * *
It felt…good to finally have to go up a size.
* * *
I’ve got a bit of a belly now. Sometimes, I’m a bit self-conscious of it, but Langston loves it. He says he doesn’t care that I’m a bit chubby—though he’s never called me that. I think he likes being bigger and stronger than me. And he can still lift me with ease, so there’s that.
* * *
I’ve started exercising though—yoga videos in the living room each morning before I get up and get ready for work—so that’s also helped keep me in higher spirits. And apparently, working out is good for your mental health, too.
* * *
