I looked up then. The color of guilt fanned out over his face. “It’s better if I walk so you don’t have to put up with me anymore.”
That snapped something in me. I grabbed his arm and spun him around. “Stop.”
He yanked his arm free, his face turning redder. “Fuck you, Matt. Fuck you.”
“What the hell did I do?” I shouted, voice cracking.
“You’re acting like what we did meant nothing. Is it so hard to clue me in on what’s happening between us?”
“No, you don’t get to ask that.” I stepped closer, my chest heaving. “You don’t get to decide how I process this. You don’t get to define what this is. You don’t get to tell me how to feel. Whatever this is, whatever happens… You should be grateful I’m even talking to you right now.”
He stared at me, mouth open, chest rising and falling like he wanted to scream.
“You hurt me, Hudson, and I don’t think you fully understand that yet.” I grabbed his shirt front, forcing out the words. “You hurt me real deep. It’s been four years, and I still can’t fucking get over you. That should tell yousomething. That should tell you how much I fucking loved you. So yeah, maybe I’m being a dick, butyougave me that right to be one.”
Silence.
“Now stop being stubborn and get on the fucking horse,” I said, voice low and trembling, “so I can take you back to the ranch and to your daughter. I already have this family shit that I’m dealing with. Give me a break. I think I deserve it.”
Hudson didn’t move. Just looked at me with eyes too full to hide anything. They were wet and begging. But I couldn’t give him what he needed yet.
Quietly, he walked past me.
Toward Junebug.
I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and counted to five. We were one step closer.
11
HUDSON
Matthias Magnuson was a bastard. If I’d dared to hope things might improve between us after we had sex, I was a damn fool.
I didn’t know where the hell I stood with him. At least before, I’d known he hated me. Now? I was even more confused. He hadn’t said he forgave me. In fact, I was pretty sure he hadn’t, but then we’d ridden back on Junebug together, and the way he’d held me in front of him had left me feeling hopeful.
And that made this week even harder to swallow.
He hadn’t said much after the lake. Not a word about what had happened between us. He’d taken off to some cattle auction in Emerald Fort, supposedly looking into a stud bull for one of the breeders we worked with.
At first, I’d told myself he left to get away from the tongues wagging in the town about Gray and Ozzie’s affair. It was bad. Instead of waiting for things to die down, they had opted to flaunt their relationship on a double date with Lawson and Opie. Now rumors had it that the four of them were into some pretty questionable things, which might ormight not involve swapping partners. I didn’t believe a word of it, of course, but it didn’t matter. The damage was already done.
But even if he’d left to get away from the gossip, three days was a long time to go without speaking after what we’d done. And I hated it.
Hated the silence more than the shouting.
At least when he was angry, I felt something from him. Now? It was quiet. Distant.
I shifted in the hard plastic chair outside Ivy’s speech therapist’s office, rubbing my palms against my jeans. Through the tall glass window, I saw Ivy sitting on the floor with Miss Kelly, her favorite red overalls swallowing her small frame, legs tucked up against her chest like she didn’t want to be there.
A toy farm set was spread out between them. Flashcards arranged in a neat little line. Miss Kelly was pointing at an image, making exaggerated mouth shapes, then tapping her own throat like she usually did to prompt a sound.
But Ivy didn’t even try, didn’t move her lips.
She didn’t smile or reach for the cards.
She stared at the rug like it might swallow her whole, clutching the same plastic sheep she’d been holding since the session started. Her little mouth pressed into a flat line. Her chin trembled now and then in that way I knew meant she was fighting back tears.
Goddammit.
