Some of our hottest moments were like that, him folded in half, ass in the air, whimpering my name as I pushed him over the edge with nothing but my fingers and tongue.
“Stop rushing,” I growled when he grabbed my hand to force my fingers deeper inside him. “You’re still so fucking tight.”
Had he been telling the truth that he’d not bottomed for anyone else in all this time? He’d said it, but I hadn’t believed it.
Why did that make my throat close up? It shouldn’t mean anything. Sex was sex. And he’d had sex with Heather. What did it matter that he hadn’t bottomed for anyone else?
But it did matter.
You make me feel like I don’t have to be in control. Like it’s safe to let go. Topping always felt… impersonal. Like I was going through the motions. With you, I want to be the one who’s held. The one who’s touched like he matters. When you’re inside me, I don’t just feel wanted. I feel like I belong.
His words had gutted me then, and they gutted me now. I’d believed them.
Hudson’s gasp pulled me out of the past. He winced, hips twitching as I breached him, slick and slow. His body opened to me in tiny, trembling increments, like a locked door I still somehow had the key to. And fuck if that didn’t do something to me.
“There’s not much lube,” I whispered more to myself than him. He was too tight, and my cock was on the thicker side.
“I can take it,” he moaned, pulling at my hips. “Don’t stop. It’s been so long, Matt. Do you know how long I’ve waited for this? For you?”
“You waited?” What a joke. “You didn’t even last a fucking semester before you knocked someone up.”
“It was before I realized what we’d become. That you were serious about us.” He grabbed me by the neck, his eyes full of earnestness, begging me to believe him. “So fucking sorry I hurt you, Matt.”
Lies. All lies. How could I ever trust him again?
“Shut up.” I tore my gaze away from his face. “Let me concentrate so I don’t tear you open on my cock.”
I pushed in deeper, two fingers scissoring gently, preparing him as he groaned and rolled his hips into the touch. He was getting louder, moaning, begging me.
My jeans bit into my thighs. I was painfully hard, throbbing, my control fraying with every breath. His thighs trembled. His cock was flushed, leaking against his stomach.
“Matty, please,” he begged.
“Please, what?”
“Fuck me. Put your cock inside me. Now.”
“You’re still too tight.”
“I can take it.”
His words.
I squeezed the little that remained of the lube onto the condom, not bothering to undress. He didn’t deserve my whole body. I came down over him, and Hudson raised himself, trying to kiss me. At the last minute, I turned my head, and his lips grazed my cheek.
He gave a breath of laughter, quiet and bitter. “You can fuck me, but won’t even kiss me?”
“Don’t expect this to be anything more than what it is, Hud. Just two men fucking by the lake.”
In the same spot where they’d fucked and laughed and loved.
I lined myself up but stopped short of entering him.
“For fuck’s sake, Matt, enough with the teasing.” He grabbed my ass, but I resisted him.
“Were you telling the truth?” I rasped. Voicing the words would work against me, but I still needed to know.
“What?”
