But now that I thought about it, Father had never told me anything of the sort. If he mentioned marriage, it was to say that he loved my mother. If he mentioned duty, he spoke of things we had already committed ourselves to, of lessons and pursuits. He believed in keeping his promises.
A sudden desire seized my chest, a need to understand.
“Why did you marry Mother?”
A faint smile crossed his face, creased the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. “I met Rose when I was near twenty, and she was just turned sixteen. She was fiery and extravagant. The air around her was brighter than the rest of the world. And I loved her.”
“Was she a lady?” I’d never thought to ask. I knew my mother hadn’t spoken to her parents, but I’d never asked about that either.
“She was, and her father disapproved of her marrying an unproven merchant yet to make his fortune. She married me anyway.”
There was nothing my mother loved more than the wealth to buy fine gowns and the opportunity to display such attire in society while giggling over feasts with other gossipy ladies.
Nothing she loved more, that is, except my father.
“Were you ever afraid”—I swallowed—“she’d be different after marriage?”
“Different how?”
“That she would change. That you’d see a side of her you’d never seen before. That you would regret marrying her.”
“Well, she did change, Beauty. And so did I.”
My heart shot into my throat.
He laughed and patted my shoulder. “People change, dear girl. It’s in our nature. And of course I didn’t know all there was to know about Rose before I married her. She had more impatience than I’d ever imagined and a sharp tongue that knew just how to wound. But she also had more generosity in her than I’d imagined. And when I saw her doting on you children, sacrificing her pride by making silly faces to earn baby giggles, I loved her more than ever before.”
My chest was tight, trapping my breath. “But how did you know it would be worth it?”
“I didn’t know. I only loved her enough to take the risk. It was like building my fortune: risks and rewards.”
Not very comforting now, considering the bankruptcy.
“I loved Stephan at the start,” I whispered. It was sour on my tongue to admit.
“I am sorry to hear that.” He rested his hand on my head. “If I could protect you from risk, I would. If I could have every risk you took turn to your good, I would. I never wanted you to know half the horrors of the world you already know. You’re too young.”
I leaned into him with a sigh. “I am a thousand years old. I only look young on the outside.”
“Don’t say that. It would make me a thousand-plus years old, and I feel ancient as it is.” He kissed the top of my head. “Now, come, it’s a celebration tonight. No time for gloomy thoughts. You’ll save me a dance, won’t you?”
I nodded, trying not to think of Stephan bowing over my hand, leading me to the dance floor.
Chapter
17
That evening, we all trudged through the snow together until we reached the Merrells’ barn. I was introduced to the family—“Good heavens, I didn’t know you were hiding another daughter in that house!”—and I curtsied to Callista’s fiancé, Thomas, who was a tall, broad-shouldered man, though not as tall as Beast.
“Beauty.” He had a smile as broad as his shoulders. “Interesting name.”
“I have also been known to answer to the call of Whimsy.”
He frowned, and Callista hurriedly shooed me away before I could twist the mind of her love into knots.
A large table had been moved into the barn, and on it was piled all the food. It was to be feast first, dancing second. I sat next to Rob, watching him as we ate. There were several other young ladies present, and certainly they could not all be engaged. Yet Rob showed no interest in any.
“Have you spoken to Eva?” I asked, voice low.
