The silence was worse than any I’d experienced at the castle.
“The forest was burning,” I said at last. I’d almost forgotten about the smoke. “I thought you were in danger.”
“How considerate.” Astra smiled. “We thought you were in danger for six months—perhaps dead. But I’m glad you eased your own fears at the first sign.” She pushed her chair back and stood. “Oh, and the forest hasn’t burned, as far as I can tell. The evidence would be hard to hide. But maybe it was an enchanted fire.”
An enchanted forest, actually. But the response would have been petty, even if it was true. Astra had always been good at turning the conversation so it was impossible to beat her last word. It was a trait Stephan shared.
If the worst part about the castle had been its silence, I’d underestimated the best—living without the constant barbs and attacks, the need to be so witty in order to stay on top. With Stephan at my side, I’d once dominated that game. I had no desire to play anymore.
So I did as Beast would. I remained silent.
And for once, the silence wasn’t so bad. I had nothing to prove.
If you did walk in,Beast whispered in my memory,it’s no obligation to stay.
That evening, Father asked me to read from his book of scripture. He could have read to the family himself, so I did not know if it was for my sake or his own that he asked me. Either way, I took the heavy leather volume and sat angled to the firelight in order to see the pages, and I read of the creation of the world, of light out of darkness, of the rolling back of the ocean that left the beach to breathe.
I thought Beast would have liked to hear the stories.
Rob and Astra excused themselves first, already yawning. Callista stayed longer, though after she nodded off once, she kissed Father’s cheek and followed Astra to bed. I could have stopped reading then, but I continued, just Papa and me by the fire. He added a log as if he wanted things to keep going as well.
I noticed the gold rose on the mantel, kept in a small vase even though it needed no water. I paused to ask why he hadn’t sold it.
“I thought I would have to,” Father admitted. “But it felt like selling my daughter.”
Yet, we had food stores in the winter and chickens in the yard.
“Astra,” he said, surprising me. “She had her best necklace stashed away. She came home one afternoon with three laying hens and arms full of food. She told me to keep the rose.”
Perhaps Astra had more of Mother in her than I’d ever given her credit for.
Then I wondered how the world would have changed had she sold the necklace before Father went hunting. I would never have left my family. But I would never have seen the castle.
“Papa.” I leaned forward, cradling the book to my chest, shielding the heat that raged inside me. “If sin leads to goodness, is it still sin?”
I couldn’t regret meeting Beast.
But neither could I be grateful for every step that had led me to the castle.
“You’ve been reading that book all night.” Father nodded to the scriptures. “You tell me.”
My fingers turned the pages back gently, searching the words. The prophets in the desert had no answer for me, the men choosing wives and offering sacrifices to God. But there was a boy, a boy sold by his own brothers into slavery, a boy who grew to save a nation, who still wept over the betrayal even when he was full grown.
“I think ...” I swallowed. “I think God makes light out of darkness. But the darkness still exists.”
Father nodded. “And beauty from ash, though it’s ash still. The bad is not good, but through grace, we can make something good of it in the end.”
Beauty from ash.
I settled once more into the book, and I read until my throat was dry, and then we sat in the silence.
And I felt no need to fill it.
Chapter
16
Afew days later, Astra sweetly asked if I would help bring in firewood. While I loaded my arms in the shed, she watched me with a knowing smile.
