She looked wary, as though she didn’t completely believe him. Then he noticed something else. Juliana was shaking. With all the clothing she’d just donned, she couldn’t be cold. Besides, the brazier was still emitting some heat. He looked back to her face and realized she had that same unfocused expression she’d had in the woods that day.Fear.
“Ye doona have to be afraid of me, lass.”
She blinked and looked at him, her eyes clearing. “I’m not. Afraid of you, that is.”
He pulled on his own breeches and stood. She looked as though she’d skitter away like a scared rabbit any minute. “What are ye scared of then?”
“Nothing.”
“’Tissomething,” he responded. “Ye are acting like ye did the day in the woods. Ye acted strange when I kissed ye in front of the Camerons, too—”
“I did not expect it. You surprised me.”
“At the time,” he went on as though she hadn’t interrupted, “I thought mayhap ye didna like me, but—”
“Do not be ridiculous. I like you well enough.” Juliana shrugged. “I would not have agreed to ride pillion with you otherwise.”
Each of those times there had been no other option, although he didn’t point that out. But shehadreturned his kiss in the woods before he’d pressed himself against her, so she had to have some feelings for him. While he had been in his comatose state, he’d dreamed she’d talked to him, apologizing for being rude and admitting he was right most of the time. When he’d awoken in the stable, he’d decided it had been a fever dream, a wishful fantasy of his unconsciousness. But there had been something else, too. Something that hadn’t really made sense. She’d cried and told him she wished he would understand why she’d reacted like she had. Suddenly, a nasty suspicion began to grow. He tilted his head to study her.
“Some man has misused ye.” When she began to study the floor as though the words to the Acts of Union were written on it, an even uglier suspicion raised its head. “Were ye raped?”
Her quick intake of breath told him he was right. A red haze formed in front of his eyes. He wanted to kill whoever the bastard was.Wouldkill him if he found out who it was. What kind of cur would do that? He’d wanted to beat Cameron to a bloody pulp for forcing the MacFarlane lass, but this was worse.Thisbastard he wanted to tear limb from limb. Slowly. With his bare hands.
Another emotion warred with the first. He wanted to go to Juliana, gather her in his arms and hold her close, but that was probably the last thing she wanted.
“Who…” he began, “when…?”
She shook her head. “It is over.”
He moved then, taking her hands so she could not run away, but careful not to stand close enough to frighten her. “It isnaeover, lass. Nae when ye canna endure a man’s touch or kiss.” Thankful that she didn’t attempt to pull her hands away, he gave them a little squeeze, then dropped his. “Tell me again.”
Her eyes went wide as she looked up. “Again?”
“Aye. I think ye tried to explain while I was lying over my horse—”
“You heard me?” She turned pale, then blood rushed back to her face. “You were awake?”
“I thought I was dreaming. Ye might as well tell me again since I’ve already heard part of it. I want to ken all of it.” When she looked hesitant, he took her hand again. “I will avenge ye. I swear it.”
Juliana’s mouth quivered as she tried to smile in spite of a tear rolling down her cheek. “You will have to dig him up for that.”
“The swine is dead?”
She nodded. “Killed in a duel last year.”
Rory sat down on the cot and tugged her gently down beside him, careful to leave space. “Tell me everything.”
When she’d finished, he was sorry the bastard was dead. Dueling was too easy a death for a maggot like him, even if he had been an aristocrat. Rory looked down at Juliana, who had somehow come to be in his arms and was currently drenching his shirt with her tears, not that he cared one whit about the shirt. What he cared about washer. He kissed the top of her head and stroked her back. “It will be better now.”
She looked up with red-rimmed eyes and a swollen nose, and he thought she was beautiful. He kissed her forehead. “Ye will heal.”
“I…I do not know if I can.” She sat up and brushed at her wet cheeks. “Besides the…humiliation, it hurt so much. I do not want to ever go through that again.”
“Ye may nae believe me and ’tis nae the time to say it, but when ye give yourself willingly to a man, the act will nae hurt.” He gave her a smile. “Bairns would nae come into the world if it did.”
She wiped at her tears again. “I do not think I am brave enough to find out.”
There were a thousand things he wanted to say to that. To tell her how good it could be. How much pleasure there was to be had. How much he wanted to be the one to show her, but that would have to wait.
