“Great. Fabian, have you used the vibrator?”
He shook his head slowly, eyes narrowed. “You are so inappropriate. No. I haven’t used it, okay?”
“Well, use it! Or find someone to use it on.” She very deliberately tilted her head in Ryan’s direction after she said this. Ryan looked at his beer. Marcus started laughing.
“All right, enough,” Fabian grumbled. “I am going to ask if I can play first, and you two are going to be nice to Ryan.”
Fabian left, and Ryan decided he could try out being cool. “You review sex toys, Vanessa?”
“I do! But sometimes I have to outsource the ones for parts I don’t have. A lot of the guest reviews are anonymous, so if you ever want to—”
“No, I’m not—I mean. I wouldn’t be any good at that.”
She shrugged. “Offer stands. Just let me know. It’s a great way to get free toys.”
“Um. Thanks.”
“Oh mygod,” Fabian said when he returned to the table. “Are you still talking about sex toys?”
“It’s okay,” Ryan said quickly. “I asked about her website.”
Fabian looked suspiciously at Vanessa, then he must have decided to drop it. “I’m going on in a minute. Raksha says there’s only three people signed up for tonight.”
The place had filled up a bit since Ryan had first arrived, but it was still a relatively small crowd, the kind where Fabian would be able to see each individual face when he was on the stage. Ryan felt ill just imagining it.
“Good luck!” Vanessa said. “I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been working on.”
Marcus turned to Ryan. “He totally disappeared last week. He does that. He’ll be struck with inspiration and go into hermit mode.”
“I wasn’t a hermit,” Fabian protested. “I worked two shifts at the drugstore, went to see a show, and I even bought groceries.”
Marcus flicked his hand. “Go. Show us the fruits of your labor.”
Fabian made a show of grabbing his violin case and turning dramatically toward the stage. Ryan found it oddly sexy.
Even with the small crowd and the minimal setup, Fabian was a commanding presence when he took the stage. He took a moment to get himself and his instrument ready, plugged his phone into something-or-other, and then he nodded at the barista—Raksha—to kill the music that had been playing through the speakers. There was chatter after the music stopped, followed by a moment of almost perfect silence when Fabian stepped to the mic.
Ryan thought he would greet the crowd or introduce the first song, but instead Fabian just started singing, a cappella. The first note was so strong and clear, it was startling. And maybe that was the point; Fabian obviously knew how to get an audience’s attention.
After a verse and a chorus, a backing track from Fabian’s phone accompanied him, and he started to play his violin. He couldn’t sing and play the violin at the same time, so he would just switch between voice and violin, like a magical conversation he was having with his instrument. Ryan didn’t think his own heart beat even once during the entire song.
“Wow, right?” Vanessa whispered to him when the song was over.
“Yeah,” Ryan said stupidly. Fabian smiled at the crowd and tugged the shoulder of his sweater, which had slid halfway down his arm while he’d been playing, back up. He was so fucking beautiful Ryan couldn’t stand it. As stunning as Fabian had been onstage in the club at the last show, with the wall of sound he’d created and the dramatic costume and lighting, there was something even more enchanting about this moment. The intimacy of the room—the small audience, the warm lighting, and Fabian’s casual attire—made Ryan feel special, like he was one of the chosen few who were permitted to watch a prince perform.
For about the millionth time that week, Ryan remembered the fleeting touch of Fabian’s soft lips on his cheek. It had been so chaste—nothing, really—but it had absolutely consumed Ryan’s thoughts for days. Was it possible for your heart to hold on to a ridiculous crush for thirteen years? And if so, why would his heart choose someone so unattainable? Why would it want someone who was so wildly incompatible with Ryan?
But Fabian, for whatever reason, gave Ryan the impression that he enjoyed his company. He didn’t seem to notice or care that Ryan was starved for the light Fabian radiated effortlessly. He didn’t know that, if he got too close, Ryan would no doubt extinguish that light and drag him down into the shadows with him.
Fabian played four songs and then thanked the audience for listening. The applause was surprisingly enthusiastic for such a small group. A couple of minutes later, Fabian had rejoined the table, violin case in hand.
“Don’t say anything,” he said. “I don’t want to hear a word.”
“Hm?” Marcus said, pretending to be engrossed in his phone. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. Did you play yet?”
Fabian rolled his eyes. “Okay, asshole.”
“That was terrible,” Vanessa said. “I can’t believe you made us listen to that.”
