Cassian groped behind him, and grabbed his hand, holdingit hard. He didn’t speak for a moment, then he made an incoherent noise into the pillow.
‘Cass?’ Daizell said again. ‘I got carried away.’
‘So did I.’ Cassian twisted his head round. The one eye Daizell could see looked wet. ‘Oh God, Daizell. That was the best – my whole life –God.’
‘Oh. Well, then.’
Cassian exhaled, apparently breathing out his bones as he did so, because he flattened into the bed like an unset jelly. ‘Perfect. Perfect. If you want to be unbearably smug, feel free.’
‘That went as you hoped, then?’ Daizell was milking this shamelessly. He felt he deserved to.
‘Yes. God, yes. I woke up, and I felt you – Lord above.’ He twisted round, and Daizell did too, so they were lying in one another’s arms, legs tangling stickily. ‘Perfect. Was it – did you like it?’
‘More than I’d thought I would,’ Daizell said honestly. ‘Though I felt like quite a bad person for a while. I, uh, thought you wouldn’t want me to bring you off with my hand?’
‘You didn’t need to,’ Cassian said, with deep sincerity and a touch of awe. ‘All over the sheets, good Lord. That was magical, Daize. Thank you.’
‘It wasn’t a hardship,’ Daizell assured him.
Cassian put a hand to his cheek. ‘I mean it. You asked me what I wanted, and you cared to give it to me. And I realise you weren’t quite comfortable with the idea, and I feel rather selfish for pressing.’
‘Nonsense. I offered, and I’ll very happily do it again if that’s what it does to you. Not without discussion beforehand,’ he added hastily. He wasn’t going to make a habit of grabbing sleeping partners without a by-your-leave. ‘But ifyou insist on saying that I’m the best fuck of your life, I suppose I’ll just have to live up to it.’
‘You absolutely were. Are. How are you so marvellous?’
Daizell was not used to being marvellous. He rather felt he could be led around like a dog on a string by Cassian telling him he was marvellous. ‘Well, you asked me to be, so it’s probably your fault. Uh, at the end, when I held you down, it seemed a good idea at the time, but—’
‘Perfect,’ Cassian said again. ‘Which – that’s not really something I’d want normally. I know some people do, but it doesn’t appeal at all as a rule. But just then, it was exactly right.’
‘Thank God.’
Cassian nuzzled into him. ‘Goodness. Is there – while we’re here – is there anything I can do for you?’
‘I did very well already, thank you.’
‘Not now: I need a moment. I meant – well, is there anything you want? You did that for me, and I don’t want to be selfish.’
He was such an odd fish, with that tiny line of worry between his eyes. Daizell kissed it. ‘That wasn’t selfish. It was a marvellous idea. If you’re asking if I’m harbouring any secret desires: no, not really. I’m a fairly straightforward sort of man, I’m afraid.’
‘You needn’t apologise.’ Cassian paused. ‘Um, we haven’t discussed whether you might want to . . . you know.’
‘Know what?’
‘Buggery?’
Daizell choked. ‘There’s a question. I don’t much care for it on the receiving end. Or do you mean you’d like me to fuck you?’
‘Um. I don’t much like receiving either, but if that’ssomething you want, I could try? I imagine it would be better with you.’
And that was another chunk of Daizell’s foolish heart broken off and floating away, like a melting icicle. ‘I hope it might, but I’ve no great urge to find out. It’s not something I greatly care about in either part.’
‘But you must want something. Really, Daizell, you just gave me something I’ve thought about since I thought about these things. Isn’t there anything I can do for you?’
‘It’s not a quid pro quo,’ Daizell pointed out. Had Cassian not had a lover before? Well, no, clearly he had, but he seemed oddly uncertain of the etiquette all the same. ‘I’m honoured you trusted me with that, and it was magnificent for me because you loved it. And I would absolutely share my secret desires with you if I had any.’ He wished he did now, just to give Cassian something back for his gift of trust. ‘Uh, maybe—’
Cassian cocked his head. ‘What was that?’
‘Oh, nothing very meaningful. It’s just . . .’ This would sound dreadfully stupid, but then so didPlease molest me in my sleep, and Cassian had found the courage to voice that. ‘Well, it’s only that I like the way you talk when you want, well, to give instructions. Encouragement.’ Cassian was looking blank. Daizell said, muffled by embarrassment, ‘I like the way you talk to your horses.’
